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is this weird?

my grandmother and her family are throwing a party for my deceased mother. but they're not calling it a memorial, its "bridgid's party." and its not like its on her birthday, its going to be next year, 15 years after the day she died. they're not doing anything in a church or at her gravesite, they're having a hall rented and doing stuff like that and they want my 2 year old son-who will then be 3-to say something about his grandmother. he's never met her and i don't think its appropriate at all. i don't want anything to do with this, i think its unhealthy and macabre. what about you guys?

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erinwhitt

Asked by erinwhitt at 4:24 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 17 (4,305 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would understand some kind of memorial but to have your son say something that he knows nothing about is weird.
    arnoldgirl613

    Answer by arnoldgirl613 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • This party is for the living. It is called an angelversary. My daughter died early this year. Her three year old lives with us.
    She remembers and talks about her mommy, but I would not ask her or expect her to say anything unless it was spontaneous.
    I think your grandmother wants her daughter to be known to your son, her grandson. You could share a picture and memories with him. I hope that you will participate in the party. Unless you have lost a child you have no idea what it is like. One of the most important things is that your child is never forgotten. It hurts to talk about them, but it hurts so much more to think they have been forgotten.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:34 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I agree, it's very weird, If you feel uncomfortable about it, you can always say you have other plans. Or go for a short time and then head out. I understand wanting to have a memorial, but this seems a bit too much. Your son never even had a chance to meet her, so to have him speak...it's just weird, and I would tell them that. He's way too young to be giving a speech anyway, much less about someone he never met.

    I think you should tell your grandmother that you just aren't comfortable with this idea and that you'd like to come, but not in that sort of capacity. If she keeps pushing it, tell her you won't go at all if she doesn't back off. She'll get the point.
    kathria

    Answer by kathria at 4:35 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I've had miscarriages, I guess not the same thing, but still, very painful. In my grandmother's eyes, I do not mourn enough...but she cna't understand that we are mourning two VERY different people. I am mourning a mother that I had for 8 years. I miss her, yes, but I'm able to move on...They are mourning their daughter that they had for 34 years...but I feel like they'll never be able to move on if they don't stop trying to make me feel their pain and mourn the same way. Its almost as if its not even about her anymore, but about ME. But at the same time, I am not my own person to them, I am just an extension of her. I won't let them do that to my son.
    erinwhitt

    Comment by erinwhitt (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • That does sound a little weird but that's might just be the way I was raised..we were always told if we hold on to a person too much after they die, they won't be able to rest. But that is just us, we're not saying forget about them, just...let them rest. I would say go to the party, but explain to your grandmother that since your son didn't know his grandmother, you don't feel comfortable asking him to talk about her to a roomful of people. He is so young, he may not even want to and you can't very well make him do it! Good luck with everything.
    nmmama09

    Answer by nmmama09 at 5:02 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • That's what I've always said-just let her rest in peace!
    erinwhitt

    Comment by erinwhitt (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Everyone has their own way of grieving, there's no time limit on grieving. Maybe it makes them feel better, so what harm is it? let it be, if you don't wish to attend no one will make you go. Maybe give you a guilt trip but oh well...
    lioness3e

    Answer by lioness3e at 6:18 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

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