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How do I talk to my friend

My childhood friend since the 1st grade has a son that I believe may be special needs. Its not just me. Everyone that meets her and her 3 yr old son ask me is he special. His head is abnormally large for his age. He turned 3 about a month and a half ago. His head is at least twice as big as my 5yr old nephew. Its not his head size that makes me think he maybe special. He is developementally a little behind the other childen his age, and yes I know all kids develope differentally. Everyone that is close friends with her like myself my sister and a few more of are mutual friends is worried about this but are afraid to bring it to here attention. We are all young but she is the youngest at 21 she is going through a lot right now one thing being a divorce. I don't know how to approach the situation. But if something is wrong I think it would be best to get help now rather than later. What do I do or do I do nothing.

 
ImAlijahsmommy

Asked by ImAlijahsmommy at 3:35 AM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Kids' Health

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Answers (5)
  • Doctors usually notice symptoms of special needs like the ones you describe, if they are a problem. I would say either she knows and is keeping it to herself or she knows and is in denial. Her getting so upset and all is probably stress-related, with the divorce and either trying to handle everything with him herself or her denial of a problem. My sons have ADHD, and before I admitted that they had a problem, I would get really stressed trying to control them w/o help. I would get upset over minor things and punish them for things that weren't really a big deal. That was how I realized I needed to get them proper treatment and get a support system going for myself. I wouldn't call her attention to what you perceive as a problem, I would simply tell her that I know she's going thru a lot right now and if she needs/wants to talk about anything, I'm here.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:35 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I honestly wouldn't say anything. It's possible that she may already know he has developmental delays, and chooses not to tell anyone. I didn't even know my nephew was autistic until he was 10, and that was because my sister was so hurt about it she didn't want to talk about it. She found out when he was 4 months old. Doctor's look for that kind of thing during well baby/ well child check-ups. I think if I were going through a divorce and having a hard time, it wouldn't want to hear judgements made on my kid(s), even from well meaning friends. I think it would just be to much to handle. But if you thought it was a safety issue, you shouldn't hold back.

    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 3:47 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • One of my issues is that she gets really upset with him. I dont want to say anything because I know a doctor had to at least bring something to her attention. But we can't go anywhere with him without him going off or her getting so upset about it. He wonders off. One day she came home from her overnight job and the police where waiting outside with here son. The husband was inside asleep while the baby got out and was walking around the neighborhood. This was when he was early 2 i think and when he was even younger he opened the door and walked out to the car in the snow in nothing but a diaper. He always wants to go somewhere anywhere.
    ImAlijahsmommy

    Answer by ImAlijahsmommy at 4:00 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • If her son is already on her sh*t list, so to say, I definitely wouldn't bring anything up that he may receive more grief from. Do you think his being "special" is what's causing the problem or is it more of a high strung mom sort of thing? My younger two kids were little turkeys when they were that age, I don't know how odd it is. We put locks at the top of our doors so they couldn't escape and they kept me on my toes! My youngest one even climbed into the washing machine once when it was filling when she was about 18 months. She wasn't bad, just soooo curious about everything!

    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 4:13 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • No she just doesn't have much patients in public when he acts out which is alot. He screams a lot and it seems like for no reason a lot of the time. He can talk but doesn't talk often he usually has a fit or yells or cries. He sometimes will wake up in the morning crying for keys repeating keys over and over. But I think you would have to be around him and her to see how they are. Another thing is he is still in diapers and doesn't use the bathroom at all. If you saw him you would think he was a new 3 maybe a older 4 yr old
    ImAlijahsmommy

    Answer by ImAlijahsmommy at 4:51 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

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