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3 Bumps

How do you handle two kids?!

My 2 year old and I are having a battle... and she is winning. I'm trying REALLY hard to keep up the house. She is a HORRIBLE mess maker and absolutely refuses to help pick up. I had a baby 4 1/2 weeks ago. I only have a few minutes every day where he will let me put him down long enough to do anything around the house, and when I do get that time, I can't ask my daughter to help pick up her toys because she throws a HUGE fit, wakes the baby up and then I can't do ANYTHING. She won't listen to anything I say, she pretty much does whatever she wants all day and ignores me.

I spend time with her one on one every day and I know she's adjusting to having a brother, but oh my god, I can't keep my house clean, I can't get her to listen to me, and I can't run my house the way I need to when she is so badly behaved!

Help!

 
Ati_13

Asked by Ati_13 at 6:03 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Don't worry so much about the house. Your 2 year old is adjusting. Try to spend as much time as you can with her while the baby sleeps and try to have her help with the new baby as much as possible...when you're doing a diaper change let her hand you the wipes. It will get easier.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 6:07 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • When my DD's where 1 month old, they would sleep most of the day. I would wrap them up in a blanket and lay them down. I was not worried about cleaning. I would clean when I could. And leaveit at that. Can't you wait tell your 2 year ol is in bed asleep?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:10 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Help your two year old ajust to the new baby and relax. Your house isnt gonna stay all pretty and clean with 2 kids.. believe me.. I have 3.. (5,3,2 and a baby on the way!) and i can clean 5 times a day and its never clean..

    Give ur daughter some time and then start putting ur foot down. She's old enough to help clean up her toys and stuff. IF she throws a fit igore it and stick to your guns. as for the baby..try putting him down more..in a bouncer or swing..see if that helps! good luck
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 6:10 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Well hun, first of all you need to gather yourself and calm down. Relax as much as you can for a few minutes so you can have patience. When my DD was born, I made sure we had a routine for our day. I think this helped with the transition. I also made sure to pay extra attention to the things he was doing when he was being a "good boy." Make sure you are reenforicing the good behavior and punishing the bad- and sticking to it! You are in charge mama! If she doesn't want to pick up her toys, tell her to go sit on the stairs, tell her she can' tcome down until she cleans up. And if she doesn't slowly start taking her toys away. That's just me though. Good luck ((hugs))
    jessica1219

    Answer by jessica1219 at 6:11 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • You have to, HAVE to be firm with her. Make clear rules, if she wants the privilege of playing with her toys, she has to clean up after, etc. Let the house be messy while you adjust. Having multiple little ones is NOT easy at all, but the more you stay firm now, the easier she will be later. Try to put the baby as far away from her tantrums. We used to put ours in our walk in closet (with the baby monitor,) just to muffle as much exterior sound as possible.
    SabrinaBean

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 6:11 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • The house comes after the children, so if something needs to be put off that's okay.
    When you have a child that HATES to be put down there are a few things you can do. Swaddle them and lay them down in a swing ontop of a shirt that has your scent. Being swaddled they will feel safe and comfortable and then having that shirt near them will give them that feeling of being near you. Put baby in a room far off from where big sister usually is, so if she does throw a fit she's not bothering baby. If all else fails, wear baby on a sling on the front of you, so you can move around and keep baby happy.

    As for your daughter. It's time to put into place some stricter rules. This means time outs, toys taken away, quiet time in her room, etc. I think because you spend time with baby so much she feels she doesn't need to listen. If baby needs to cry it out while you handle big sister, then that's okay. Baby will be fine.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:20 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Remember that you're only one person and nothing is going to spontaneously happen to where you can handle everything at once. Let it be okay that one thing is handled at a time. Whether it's big sister or baby. Just know that if someone has to wait then they have to wait. Also remember that nobody is going to be scarred for life if they have to cry it out for a minute while you handle something else. They'll both get over it pretty quickly. Just know that everything will eventually be handled, just not all in the same breath.

    If you need something that vibrates for baby, plays whomb sounds, music, or even just swings then invest in it. Anything to help baby be okay by themselves. Don't be afraid to let them fuss for a while, it's important that baby figures out how to calm themselves.

    Big sister just needs some firmer diciplin and a good talking to. Start enforcing the law and enforcing her chores.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:23 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Louise, her bedtime falls in the middle of a fussy period for the baby. By the time I get him calmed back down and sleeping I'm exhausted. So after bedtime isn't a good option for us.

    I do reinforce the good behavior. Some days she listens really really well, but then like today I can't get her to do a damn thing. She won't pick up her toys, take a nap, or even stay in her room when I put her in time out. She's been in time out for half the day and it isn't making an impression on her. It seems like there is so little good to praise on days like this and I just don't know what to do.

    I would love to forget about the housework, but it's driving me crazy having colored pencils, dirty dishes, toys and books everywhere. And I hate to admit it, but I live in terror that CPS is going to get called by a nosy neighbor and my kids will be taken because my house isn't spotless :(
    Ati_13

    Comment by Ati_13 (original poster) at 6:16 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • I have a swing... he does OK in it for a few minutes, but not enough to even pick up the living room messes :( I have a sling too, but I find that, surprisingly, he doesn't much like it. He wants my arms around him while he's in it, which doesn't allow the use of my hands (which I need for transporting a toddler to time out lol). I also have a hard time wearing him and doing chores. The bending and straightening and moving and bumping annoy him and hurt my back and cause problems. It's an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder... do you have any tips for more comfortable wearing while doing chores?
    Ati_13

    Comment by Ati_13 (original poster) at 6:34 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Do you have your mom around? Do you ever ask her for advice?  Take your baby. Put him in his crib. And clean up one room. Letting him cry for 10 min will not hurt him. JMO. If you stop holding him 24/7 he will not fuss so much.  Like my mom has said. Learn how to do things with one hand.  Kid in one arm, one arm free to do stuff around the house.  When you do have time to clean. Pick up all the toys and put all them up but a few.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

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