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4 Bumps

Need some advice

so my husband turned 21 and now i feel like im not important or our family isn't important to him. There are nights when he wants to go to the bar but he wants to go when we have no money and we have one son and im currently pregnant with our other son am i just being hormonal because i dont think its fair he can go out with his friends but i dont go out with any of mine because they are single and i would rather go out as a couple or am i just not understanding someone please help......

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mommy2b924

Asked by mommy2b924 at 11:27 PM on Sep. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (158 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I think you man needs to grow up and act like an adult and a married man. Especially when he's going out spending money you don't have. I see no problem with him going out every once in a while to go drink with buddies but if he's doing it frequently then that's a big no. Sit him down and tell him what he's doing is frustrating you and tell him all that you feel.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:29 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • It sounds like you guys are on different wavelengths. Sit down and talk and try to figure things out. Obviously money should not be spent but sometimes it takes saying these things out loud for him to be more accountable.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:32 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • If you don't mind having his friends over... less expensive to mix your own drinks (or make them byob) - if they are gamers, they can do that - or watch a movie. This way you aren't "stuck" at home. Also, you can go with him. Just because he drinks, doesn't mean you can't be designated driver.
    tortkey

    Answer by tortkey at 11:33 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • i have tried that but what really gets me is well here is an example for our sons party we spent 50 dollars on beer and he still has some at the house and i don't mind if they come here i rather prefer it but he is a volunteer firefighter as well as a paid one and all i do is choir on tues. and he couldn't watch our son for 30 mins during is 5 min talk of a meeting at his volunteer fire meeting when he said to me all day that it wasn't a problem finally asked my brother in law to watch him there at the meeting so i wasn't late and then has the nerve to ask for money to go drink at the bar for about an hour and its been about two hours already no call or nothing to tell me anything how do i say any of that without losing my temper and bursting out in tears
    mommy2b924

    Comment by mommy2b924 (original poster) at 11:34 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • i cant go with him because im not 21 just 20 thats why i would like it if they came here so i could watch my son and spend time with him dont see him much because he works 24's and his schedule is weird like i wont see him for three days he works sat sun and mon
    mommy2b924

    Comment by mommy2b924 (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like you two have very different priorities. You need some marital counseling to either get onto the same page or decide to live separately.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 11:39 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • This is a touchy one. Don't want to alarm you but the kind of thing that will break up a marriage. You two need to sit down and decide what you BOTH want from this marriage and where you are Both headed in the future. You may need counseling. There's nothing wrong with it and sometimes an unbiased third party will help resolve the matter. I will be praying for you guys. I think young men (and older ones) tend to be pulled into directions of their friends because they don't want to appear weak or "whipped" by a woman to their friends. Know that its not your fault, you are not being selfish, and be calm and polite when you approach him with it. No yelling or getting erratic or it will p;ush him out the door. If you do feel erratic- that is NOT the time to talk to him. Also remember, just because you're married don't mean you have to get rid of all your friends. Girlfriends sometimes give us the support we need.
    ebonyjwriter

    Answer by ebonyjwriter at 11:49 PM on Sep. 7, 2010

  • He's 21, married, has a son and another one on the way? I really don't understand how he thinks he can go out with his friends if he has no money. Once in a while that's okay, I hope he's not doing it every night. I hope he gets a reality check and soon, he needs it.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:22 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • He needs to realize he's a family man now and not a single frat boy. When you're prego you want your man there to pamper ya and fuss @. He's like most guys taking advantage of you being prego and the fact you cant go out. Sometimes guys get this nonsense out their system and sometimes they dont. All you can do is way and see if he's just sowing his royal oats or you married a wild man.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 3:22 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

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