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IS IT ME??? COULD I BE THE ONE THATS CRAZY? OR IS IT HIM???

ME AND MY FIANCE BEEN TOGETHER ALMOST 4 YEARS. LIVING TOGETHER ALMOST 3 YEARS. NOW AND THEN HE HAS THESE QUIET MOMENTS WHERE HE JUST KEEPS TO HIMSELF. HES NOT A VERY OUTGOING PERSON SO I LEAVE IT ALONE MOST TIMES. BUT SOMETIMES WHEN HE HAS HIS "QUIET MOMENTS" AND I TRY TO TALK TO HIM HE GIVES ME ONE WORD ANSWERS AND HE SEEMS TO HAVE A ATTITUDE. WHEN I ASK HIM WHAT IS WRONG, HE GETS ANNOYED I GUESS BECAUSE I ASK AND THEN HE GETS UPSET AND I GET UPSET THEN WE ARGUE. WELL LAST NIGHT WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES. AND I WAS JUST SO UPSET AND CRYING, I DONT KNOW IF IT IS ME. I LITERALLY DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM. ALL HE HAS TO WORRY ABOUT IS GOING TO WORK AND COMING HOME. I WORK I GO TO SCHOOL, BOTH FULL TIME AND AT THE END OF THE DAY I STILL TAKE CARE OF HIM. I COOK, CLEAN, HANDLE ALL FINANCES, ETC. I MEAN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. AND I STILL KEEP A SMILE ON MY FACE. I LOVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM, I FEEL LIKE I CANT WIN.....WHAT I SHOULD DO???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • He sounds depressed. And in that case has nothing to do with anything you have done. And I feel for you because men are not like woman they don't go running to the doctor and say "I think I am depressed" Instead they try and be tough and deal with it on thier own. The best you can do is support him and let him know you think he might be depressed or that he is showing signs, and maybe you will get him to talk, but don't be supprised if he still doesn't open up. Or maybe talk to his family or better yet his mom and voice your concerns but see if she can keep that you told her to herself, it might be better coming from his mom. Hope that helps, good luck.
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 11:09 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • LOL...OMG. I HAVE TRIED ALL OF THOSE THINGS. AND LIKE YOU SAY HE STILL HASNT OPENED UP. I TALKED TO HIS MOM AND SHE SAID HE WAS JUST ALWAYS QUIET. I GUESS BECAUSE ME AND HIM ARE ON AN INTIMATE LEVEL I NOTICE THAT HIS MOOD CHANGES AS WELL. BUT HIS MOM BASICALLY COULD NOT HELP ME. I GUESS SHE NEVER BOTHERED HIM WHILE HE WAS QUIET.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Dealing with a person who is depressed is very difficult specailly if they don't see it or those who are around him ignore it. If I were you i would look for books to help YOU. My husband is prone to suffer periods of depression and thankfully he will talk to me, he has never seeked medical help. But i wouldn't give up on him, i would keep mentioning that you think he is showing signs, and maybe one day he will realize you might be right. Be careful though, not to let him bring you down, it can be hard not to follow his lead. your not crazy
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 11:25 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • A relationship that has any chance of working takes alot of hard work on the part of BOTH people. This sounds pretty one sided to me and it's not going to get better with marriage. Respect and communication are key in relationships and he's giving you neither. But you will continue to beat yourself up for this and continue to enable him. YOU have to find yourself and you piece of mind more important than you do. If he loves you, the way a man who is planning to commit himself for the rest of his life, should love you then he would certainly take your feelings into consideration alot more than he does. What is it with us women who think it is our job to make them happy. Happiness in relationships only truly comes when you have two people working together towards the same goals. Call me crazy but isn't that what marriage is suppose to be about?
    Su-Z-Q

    Answer by Su-Z-Q at 11:25 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • TRUE. I REALLY FEEL THAT HE HAS DEPRESSION ISSUES. AND HE HAS TRIED TO PUT ME DOWN BEFORE BUT I CALLED HIM OUT ON IT AND HE APOLOGIZED AND HE HASNT DONE IT SINCE BUT HE JUST SEEM TO NOT BE ABLE TO GET PAST THE DEPRESSION THING. ANYONE THINK I SHOULD GO TO COUNSELING WITH HIM.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • If he will go, that would be a great idea. And most of the time without treament depression doesn't just go away, which is why he hasn't gotten past it. It comes and goes. I think if you can get him into counsling that is a great first step for him and it will make all the difference in the long run that you were there to support him. But please remember not to forget about your own happiness, if at anytime you feel this is not the route you want to go in your life no one will blame you for backing out. I think it is great that you are willing to support him when he is down.
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 11:51 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • AND THATS THE THING WHEN WE GET INTO IT I START TO LOOK AT MYSELF AS AM I DOING SOMETHING THAT IS CAUSING THIS OR IS IT JUST ME ALL TOGETHER. HE SAID HE WILL GO BUT I THINK HE THOUGHT I MEANT IT AS A JOKE. BUT I SAID TO HIM I LOVE YOU AND I WILL HELP YOU IF I CAN. HE JUST WONT LET ME IN.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Well it isn't anything that you have done. It is something in him, and I wish you both the best of luck.
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 12:20 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I don't think he is depressed if he has these occasional "quiet moments." From what I've observed, men just get quiet when they are stressed or are trying to resolve something in their mind. I think you've been correct in the past to just leave him be when he is being quiet so he can just get inside his head to resolve whatever it is. I'll be there's a 99% chance it IS NOT you being the reason he withdraws. My boyfriend gets really quiet too and has a hard time engaging when he has intense things on his mind where he has to find resolution. He's 53 now so he knows himself well enough to let me know that he is stressed. But it hurt his marriage and she eventually left because his ex did not understand and would pressure him and get angry for his being distant. Let him know you love him and just give him space. IT IS NOT YOU. Pressuring him will make it worse.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:24 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • try going to www.joelandkathy.com and get their free download for some answers.
    PamJM

    Answer by PamJM at 12:36 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

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