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my boyfriend/daughters father moved out and i dont no what to do

we're a young couple and we've been together since j.r high school. i'm 20 and he's 21. we have a 7 month old baby girl and we've been living together for 8 months. things have been really hard btwn us. i thought we were working on making things better but he came to me n said he was moving back to his mothes house and that he didint wanna be with me anymore, that things are just to bad btwn us. it hurts so bad and truthfully i dont no what to do or how to do it. im just keeping it together for my daughters sake. any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • No matter what happens between you and the father, you need to keep yourself strong and in order for your daughter's sake. In the meantime, take some steps to protect yourselves. If his name is not on the birth certificate, get that handled. Then talk to a lawyer about custody & child support. Once you know the facts for your state, try to make agreeable arrangements with him. If he doesn't want to work with you on it, you'll have already talked to a lawyer. I can't imagine how much you are hurting, but remember that you and your daughter both deserve to be happy -- whether it is with him or without him!

    Answer by KDW211 at 11:34 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • i agree with kd, your primary concern now is your daughter. look at her--she's the beautiful love of your life--do what you need to do to support her. be strong for her, if he wants a part in her life-he'll be there whether or not he has to work with you. im so sorry he is doing this, dont be afraid to talk to someone, just make sure it isnt your daughter-you need to be mom, she needs to be child. talk to other adults, it'll get better-but that doesnt mean its easy.

    good luck dear

    Answer by alexiscasto at 11:47 AM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • If you aren't working, go to your local department of social services and get signed up for benefits if you are not already. Then, I would go stay with my mom or someone who could help me with my baby if you aren't already living there. I sit down and seriously think about going back to school and getting an education. You have to focus on yourself and being self reliant right now.

    Answer by cdgoldilocks at 12:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I know that this is a terrible place to be in, and you're hurting, and I'm sorry for that. If there is someone, like family, that you can stay with or who can stay with you for a while, that can be a big help. Right now it probably seems like your world is crashing down around you, so having that stability can help you refocus. For years your life has been about him, and about you as a couple, and now suddenly that's changed, so you need to refocus your energy, make your decisions based on what is best for your daughter, and don't let the fall-out from him leaving have a negative effect on her. There are a lot of programs for young mothers, and you should take advantage of the help available to you. Social services is a good place to start, as they can help you get work, food, shelter, education, and most importantly, medical care for you and your daughter.

    Answer by jespeach at 12:30 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Here's a little bit of advice....I know that this is hurting you but look at it as a lesson learned...any responsible man that truely loved his woman and child, would've never walked out the way he did. Maybe the responsibiliy was too much for him to deal with but nevertheless, a child is in the picture. With that said, make sure you're doing what you need to do to secure your childs future. See if keeping the apartment is in your budget, do it, if not, then downsize to something smaller.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:40 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • let him go. everytime i read something like this i think gosh another two young couple not prepared to be parents and how the girl actually thinks that a man/boy is growing to man up and do the right thing. he is not going to cause he doesn't want a baby or the responsibility. often times the best thing would of been to give the baby up for adoption cause the men never commit and the girl is left struggling to piece a decent life for her and the baby. which is often less then what the baby deserves. having a baby doesn't make them stay. if there was anything you could do to make a wonderful life for this baby would still be adoption. it would be crazy hard since you bonded but it takes an extremely deep strong love to do such a selfless thing for your sweet innocent baby. your primary concern is your baby daughter. at least explore the option.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:01 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

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