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Do we influence their roles?

If we, as women, have the power in our relationships (with decent men, of course) to help them be great husbands would it be fair to say that we have the power to help them be good fathers? If we do have the power to influence the type of father they are then what about the men who do not have the love and support of the mother of their children? Are they left to figure it out for themselves? If the father does not have the appreciation, adoration, and support of the bio mom, and if they don’t want the bio mom to have such feelings for them, then how does that influence their role as dad? Does it influence the kind of father he is?

Answer Question

Asked by PROGENITOR at 11:58 AM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • That depends on the kind of person he is. Yes, in a loving environment a women can teach a man the more abstract side of fatherhood. Not just to take the role of provider and disciplinary. But I think a man with a good head on his shoulders and good morals can learn this thru experience on his own. Just the way mothers do.

    Answer by Su-Z-Q at 12:05 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • A good guy friend once told me that the woman really sets the tone in the relationship. It's just knowing that you have that power and using it wisely -will get some wonderful results.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:17 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Most men who are decent to begin with follow the lead set by their wives. Nurturing is something we all have to learn. It is proven a harder task for men to learn...but once they do they can be excellent at it.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:18 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • It depends on the man. Men, like women, are influenced by their experiences and their connection with other people, and often times by the way they themselves were raised. But a man can be a good parent with or without the loving support of the child's mother. Obviously it is better for the *child* to have both parents involved and happy, but they can both be good parents in and of themselves whether they are together or not, whether they love each other or not.
    I think some people are natural parents, also. Take my husband and his brother. They had NO role models to speak of. Their mom had....well, let's just say she had issues. Their dad took off before his brother was even born. Yet they are both great fathers. Where did they learn that? I'm not sure, but I am grateful.

    Answer by jespeach at 12:18 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I think so. I think we, the mothers, have an influence on the type of dad they are. The degree to which it matters may differ from man to man, but I think it is definitely a factor. For example, I know that my DH didn’t want his ex to have the child. She did and he stepped up and took care of his obligation. He loves his child because he’s here and there isn’t any point in being a “dick” about it. It’s his kid after all. However, he isn’t quite the father with his son that he is with our children. He has a bond and a closeness with our kids that he just doesn't have with his son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • his mother had that power to make him a good father, not you. Who he is as a husband and father has to do with who he was brought up to be not who you could make him in to be.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:00 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • i say that a man doesn't always need to have the influence of a women or bio mom. my hubby is great to my daughter and we have only been married 6 months but he was great with her before we got married. that was one of great qualities but he and i are mormons and we had big families growing up and the church is really strong about family.i had 5 brothers no sisters and he had 7 sisters no brothers. so he probably got a lot of women influence from them and his sisters and as for me well i'm the bio mom. so i think it's all in the character of the person and his up bringing. not so much what we expect or try to make them be. i didn't have to influence him to be a great father. he was born that way.

    Answer by melody77 at 1:52 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Melody11-Do you think it is possible that he is great with her because he loves you? So, you would be influencing him without realizing it? Just a thought. I will give props to the mormon religion for being amazing when it comes to family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

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