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17 Bumps

Should I let him be there

I had sex with who at the time was my best friend. Got pregnant. But at the time he was supposed to be in love with me I wrote about this when that happen. A month ago. When I found out I was pregnant at first he wanted to know if I wanted an abortion, then he didn't want to be apart of the kids life, but he would pay cs. I was cool with that. He really wanted to get with this girl and was afraid she would leave him. He told her, she is cool with it and now he wants to take responsibility. He did a complete 180 on his decision and I dont know if I want him there. He said he grew a concious (over night) but really it feels like to me he is OK with this cause it wont affect his social standing. He lives a few states away so it isnt like he could be there anyway. I told him my kid isnt something he can just be involved with him his social status permits and I would rather he not be there. Am I in the wrong?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • he sounds like he has changed his mind a few times
    and your child is not even born yet
    I am assuming he will change his mind a few more times
    sounds like you know this, and you are ready to do this on your own
    i do not think you can stop him from seeing his child if he wants to, but he is not even in the same state, so go with your life,
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:11 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I think it is natural for it to take time for him to warm up to the idea of being a parent. He is the childs father and if he is deciding he wants to be involved then I think you should give him that chance. I wouldnt let him be in labor and delivery because it is a time you need to just focus on the birth but I would let him be involved with the baby for sure.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 9:11 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well, there are a few things to consider. If you put him on the birth certificate, he will have rights, but he'll also have responsibilities. You won't be able to keep him from seeing your child, whether he's consistent or not. He will also have to pay child support, whether he wants to or not.

    If you don't put him on the birth certificate, he'll have to go to court to prove he's the father, and may not bother, but your child may resent you for not letting their father be part of their life.

    It's really no longer about you, it's about the baby. Whether they grow up with a dad that's wishy washy, or you keep their dad from them, it will hurt them.....you don't want to be the one that causes the hurt, and who knows, maybe he'll turn out to be a good dad.....

    Good luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:11 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • It doesn't matter if he wants to or not, he has to pay child support. If he is that kind of a person that worries about his social status, he should have thought of that when he went to bed with you. I feel bad for you. Hope it works out.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 9:15 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Wow I dont know what to say but as for the birth certificate thing I know in my state the father has to be there to put his name on it if yall arent married. If he keeps switching back and forth mayne you should just drop the subject all together and go on with your life and if he wants to be there he has to work for it. If he is inconsistence about being there then tell him you rather he just not be there.
    conweis

    Answer by conweis at 9:18 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • He sounds like he changes his mind regularly. I wouldn't worry about any of it until the child is born and then see where he stands and what you want then. You have at least 8 more months for him to be wishy-washy about it.

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:20 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • It's not about you, it's about the baby. You made a choice. Your baby will have to live with that choice. Make your decision not based on what's best for you, but based on what is in the best interest of the child.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 9:21 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I remember your previous post and it's good that he has suddenly decided to take a standing in the baby's life, but he is still a douchebag who only wants to do something with the child if it is convenient for him or may make him look like he is being the "good guy". My ex does this and I HATE it and hate him for it!

    I wouldn't let him be there unless he can proove he is wanting to be there for the BABY and not himself.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 9:28 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • i'm in the same situation, except my baby was born almost 2 months ago. lol. he SAID he wanted to be there...... i had her, and he wasn't there. she was put in the hospital 2 times, and he wasn't there. sure, he asked how she was, but that's not being there. when i was pregnant, he did the same thing yours did. all of his girlfriends (he's had a few since i got pregnant) have told him to step up, and he says he will, then never does anything. they break up with him and he contacts me telling me he wants to take responsibility........... then he finds another woman and is gone again.

    i didn't put mine on the birth cert, and i'm glad. i would rather meet someone and marry, and them have the ability to CHOOSE to be her father. what shows more love than CHOOSING?
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 9:47 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Not a good idea at all to keep him away. He could turn out to be a good dad, and by experience I know it can be dificult at times to deal with the other parent but it is what is best for the child, if it does not turn out how you want it to, at least you tried and gave him the opportunity,
    DKK2010

    Answer by DKK2010 at 9:53 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

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