Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Do money problems affect your marriage/lovelife?

September is going to be a fiscally tight month for us and I'm angry. I also think I am taking it out on my husband. For some reason I "love" my husband more when we pay off a bill or on his payday and I'm an angry raging bitch on the 1-2 days a week a have to work. I hate working; the agreement was that he provides so I can be a sahm and finish school. So then we both can have great jobs. But he hasn't found a good enough job for that and I'm disgusted. He was out of work for a couple weeks when we 1st got married and I could barely stand to look at him then. It's not entirely his fault with this awful economy but I can't help but be mad at him. I believe if we were living more comfortably, I would be the wonderful loving wife I know I can be.

 
keisha613

Asked by keisha613 at 9:39 AM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 26 (26,906 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Money doesn't make a happy marriage... You need to look a little more into it, and find out what's really going on. I was miserable with my ex, with or without money.. I thought too that money would help, when it was there I still felt the same. Yes money takes some of the stress off, but it doesn't solve all of the underlying problems. I hope you find happiness, with or without money.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:46 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well for starters you said it yourself, the economy is tough. It's pretty crappy to blame him for not being able to find a good job. In a perfect world, I'm sure most people would love to be able to stay home with their children in some capacity but we don't live in a perfect world. It honestly seems like you are being a bit selfish. My guess would be that he probably feels bad enough on his own that he cannot find a better job.

    With that said, I do believe that when things are tight financially it can put a strain on any relationship. I guess though unless he was wasting money needlessly that we don't have, I would never blame him for money troubles. He does the best he can and that's all I can ask for.
    AmeliasMommy206

    Answer by AmeliasMommy206 at 9:47 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • No, not really. Right now, only I have a job..but he is trying hard. We are in a rough spot, but we are still making it.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:41 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • YIKES!! My youngest just started school, so we have been tight for a few years and our debt has slowly been climbing. (I have been a SAHM for 6yrs.) Sometimes we have to go days with only $40. It can be stressful, but we rarely fight about money. We got each other, a home, and great boys. We spend all our time with them. We never go out. We don't have brand new things. But we Love each other....... Are you sure its not something else besides the money? I know it brings stress. But do you really think if he was super rich you would be Happy?
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 9:45 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Honestly, no my DH and I don't fight about money. We are either broke together or have a little money together, lol. Either way we always discuss our purchases and stuff, so that makes it much easier when things do get tight.
    But really, you are not be completely fair in blaming your DH for all of the financial aspects of your situation. Even if you agreed to be a SAHM, sometimes situations change. If he is doing the best he can, that is all anyone can expect. Why not try doing something for home to earn a little money rather than being angry at him for not providing "enough". Besides that, enough is a relative term. If you have food on your table, a roof over your heads, and enough gas for him to get back and forth to work, you have enough, maybe not the extras that you prefer, but enough.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 9:49 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • You need to put your big girl panties on. I am sorry to be so rude, but the amount of money he makes should not determine how much you love him. You only have to work a couple days a week. I know it sux, and that was not the original agreement, but it could be alot worse. Be grateful that he is trying and that you have a husband who loves you. Even if you were loaded, you would find something to be mad at him about. Look into why you are REALLY angry....ease up on him, alot of women have to work...what if you were a single mom?
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 10:05 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Does it cause problems in our marriage? No. Did it cause my husband and his ex-wife to divorce? It was a major factor.

    Don't do anything that will permenantly harm your marriage.
    HotMama330

    Answer by HotMama330 at 11:04 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • We just came through a terrible time financially. It was hard on our marriage for sure! Absolutely there were days I resented him and I cried for many weeks. It was the worst time but we made it thankfully.
    Agentmomyyc

    Answer by Agentmomyyc at 9:53 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well, it has and it hasn't

    When we have money sometimes we fight over where it goes, or if we are just having fun with it we get a long pretty good.

    When we don't have money we are happy with simple things, but other times we have fought because he won't balnce a checkbook or tell me he spent $100 on something. Then I get pissed.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:55 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • It does, but not in the same way you describe. We both work and I am the one who handles the budget so I get the fun task of arranging and rearranging our bills to make sure everything gets paid and the month of September is always hard for us because while we are still recovering from our "back to school" expenditures, we have two kids' birthdays this month along with the one luxury my husband gives himself a year, his big car show. It's all just a matter of timing. It does cause me a lot of stress and although I do love my husband and he knows it, I've never been able to use sex as a release and that alone causes some strain. When I'm stressed about money, I need to have a plan and I need to see that plan working before the stress subsides. A momentary release of oxytocin is just a bandaid and doesn't help me sleep at night. I tend to be more distant so I can focus on a solution.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 10:01 AM on Sep. 8, 2010