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3 Bumps

"Daddy" question...

My dd's father is somewhat involved in her life. She's 4. For a long time, he didn't see her at all. He's never paid child support (it's not court ordered but he doesn't volunteer help AT ALL, he doesn't even buy her gifts). Now that she's old enough to decide if she wants to go places with him, she does see him about once or twice a month. She doesn't call him "daddy", my husband has been her "daddy" since she was born. Well, DD just started playing soccer and her bio dad wants to come to her practice... I don't mind him coming to the GAME but I think going to practices and stuff should be for the people who actually see her everyday and work to support her. kwim? It's not all about the money, but he didn't even offer to help with soccer costs but now he wants to jump in and play daddy @ practice. To me, that's not right. Just looking for an unbiased opinion on the situation.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Sep. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Let your daughter decide if she wants him there at her practices or not. Her comfort level is what's important here.
    GenieBean

    Answer by GenieBean at 11:53 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I think if he is trying, you should too. If the money aspect of it bothers you, talk to him about it. But, don't take it out on her by excluding him from practices that he actually wants to participate in. Honestly speaking, he is her dad! If he wants to be part of her life, and she wants him to be part of her life, you should be thankful that they can bond!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 10:55 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Give him a chance, maybe he's trying to see her more. You have to let him get invoked with his daughter if he wants and if seeing her more at her practice is his way in doing it, let him. Maybe he'll change and do more things for her.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:52 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • he is the dad so I think you should let him. Maybe he is not there the way you expect but he is her Bio Father so he needs to be given a chance to bond with her. He can never get closer to her if you liit what he can and cant do! I agree he needs to be giving you child support so go to the court and get it court ordered. Or talk to him and make an agreement in writing and see if that works.
    hill2

    Answer by hill2 at 10:59 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Money, and being a Father really shouldn't be a combined issue. He does have a right to try to be there for her... It will make her a stonger person knowing she has everyone in her corner, even her bio father...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:01 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I would allow him to be there, my ex husband did not have a good starting relationship with our youngest daughter, but after 7, yes 7 years, he is finally coming around and I aprreciate that, my husband, who my daughter considers her dad, also thinks it is a good idea to let her natural father be involved any way he can, bio dad actually took me to court to pay child suppoet so that to me says alot that he is becoming more accepting of his responsibilites towards her.
    DKK2010

    Answer by DKK2010 at 11:04 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I have a 4 year old also in about that situation. My daughter calls him dad but she says that my huby is her daddy. She makes her own difference and calling my hubby daddy was never pushed on her she did it on her own. Her father never really sees her. It was court orderd to have shared custody so he got her on his time but he didnt keep her his father did. He is over a year behind on child support as of now but when my daughter was cheering i let him go to practices games anything he wanted to show up for. Really if he wants to be there i would allow it. It may change and u will have to b the one there for ur child when it does. But if u dont let him she may see that and b resentful towards u and think its ur fault hes not there for her more. Let him make his own bed so to speak. If he comes ok but if not she will atleast know that it was his choice not to be there.
    tiffany0317

    Answer by tiffany0317 at 11:06 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • give him a chance
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 11:43 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I agree that if he wants to see her, let him. It takes more that financial responsibility when it comes to children, but he's the father and as such, he has a financial responsibility to that child. Take him to court! It doesn't matter which parent has custody of the child, both parents are responsible for supporting the kids. I am in the situation where my husband has 2 boys from his first marriage. His ex wants money. We have gone above and beyond for years. Only to find out that she also wanted us to pay her child support when the boys lived with us for 2 years. Hello!

    If you are a parent, step up and take care of your responsibilities. There's more to it than just seeing the child once in a while!! Put the children first! Do what is best for them. Unless the person is just totally irresponsible and dangerous, kids need to know both parents. Let the courts settle the money and yes, it should be there.
    clctalking

    Answer by clctalking at 1:02 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • He has a right to come to her practices - he's her dad. He also has a responsibility to be paying child support - go to the courts!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:55 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

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