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Need Advice!

So, here is the back story without trying to make this forever long. My husband invited his 19 year old cousin to come live with us. He said he was going to college in the town we live in at first, now he's decided to go to the Army...he doesn't pay anything to live here, doesn't give money for groceries, sleeps all day, doesn't pick up after himself, whines about literally everything and has a smart mouth half the time. It's putting a serious strain on our marriage because my husband doesn't say anything to him or ask him to help out at all or anything. It's making my life miserable and when I say something to DH he says we all have to live together so I need to make the best of it. I think if I'm not happy, DH should FIX the situation, not tell me to deal with it when it's MY house and not his cousin's. What should I do? It's to the point to where I don't want to even stay in my OWN house!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • your marriage needs to take priority over the lazy cousin. you DON'T have to live together - he is not your child, he is an adult that was invited into YOUR home. remind your husband that your feelings and needs matter too. stand up for yourself in your own home and stop letting both your husband and his cousin walk all over you while you play martyr in silence. this is not acceptable. if your husband is too lazy to address the problems, feel free to tell the cousin yourself to pick up his shit, get off his ass, help out. if your husband doesn't like it then he has a choice to address the problem and/or address your feelings. but do not suffer in silence. i just see the above person's last statement (do not allow...) - EXACTLY.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:00 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • change the locks, tell him he has one month (or less) to get his ish together....or move on to become someone else's problem


    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:00 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Confront the cousin. Give him expectations. If he wants to live there, he has to help. If DH doesn't back you up, tell him that he and his cousin can go live together somewhere else.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:03 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • tell your husband that you can't live this way anymore and if he doesn't say something to his cousin then you will

    Answer by elizabiza at 11:02 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • yicks
    husband invited him
    husband needs to talk to him about moving out

    yes, your husband needs to fix it

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:03 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he can't grow some balls & ask his cousin to help out, then you will leave. ?That is what i would do. I could not handle it. Although, i would not wait for DH to say something. I would have said something from the get-go, but that is just me. I'm not going to support a lazt ADULT who is not striving to do anything. I would tell the boy myself that if he doesn't pick up after himself & get a job, that he has to leave. And make sure your husband backs you up on it.

    These things should have been on paper before he moved in. ALWAYS write up a contract if you're having a lazy adult move into your home, or else you'll be asking for it. Teens take advantage whenever they can, stop allowing it.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:21 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I know how you feel. I have been through similar experiences. I would suggest getting all of the information ready for him for the Army and going forward with it. Just keep loving those around you as hard as it is. It will pass and you will love being in your home again. Watch your thoughts and don't let the negative take you over. Keep positive. Find compassion for your guest. We never know what they have gone through. It will make it so much easier until he is gone. Smile when you see him instead of cringe and have bad thoughts.
    Give him projects to help with or work on until he leaves for the Army. Take back your domain and show him who is boss by not letting it get to you. It sounds like he needs help. You can be a positive influence in his life. Your DH will be impressed with your strength. Just make it work until it changes. Hold on tight to humor, it helps.. Hugs !! :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 11:42 AM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • If he's going to the Army, I would look forward to that day and not allow this temporary problem to interfere in my longterm marriage..I know easy said that done right? Wrong!
    Here's this 19 year old kid, he doesn't pick up after himself, he doesn't contribute to groceries, he has a smart mouth, etc...and husband tells you to deal with it...well, deal with it...when the 19 year old begins to smart mouth you, put him in his place...when he doesn't pick up behind himself, give it to hubby to deal with, since he wants you to make the best of it...but do not allow someone else to come into your home and make you miserable....

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:29 PM on Sep. 8, 2010