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Should I deny my childs father from being able to see his baby until he gets help for his problems( drugs,anger,lying) or should i let him know when the baby is born and decide after that?

I have been with my babys father for almost 10 years and have seen what the drugs do to him and he has promised me that he is over them and not doing them. I'm scared to tell him that he cant see his child because i love him so much and know that he will be a good dad but he needs to admit he has a problem and get help and i have no clue how to do that with out him getting mad and just leaving us.

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Lovcoqui04

Asked by Lovcoqui04 at 2:51 PM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Can you and someone you trust be present while you tell him? Someone that is his friend so he feels that he has support at the sametime?
    FiveofaKind

    Answer by FiveofaKind at 2:55 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • You're still with him? And you're going to bring the baby into this home? Yes, he should get help. Unfortunately, YOU can't make him. HE has to want to. You can try to keep the baby from him, but without some serious legal documentation of his problems, and considering that you're still with him, it's going to be VERY difficult to convince a judge to agree w/ you.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 2:57 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • i had a drug problem and believe me if he hasn't gotten some help or wants any nothing will change. he won't come by to see the baby and so i feel that isn't really an issue. i think you need to just leave him and not have him be present when the baby is born. before i got on drugs by ex-husband was and he wasn't there for their birth of his own choice. was probably to busy getting high. so take it from someone who has been on both sides and just leave him. if anything is going to want to make him change is him loosing everything that may or may not be the world to him. staying around your enabling him to share in your life and no real reason to change cause a baby isn't enough to make him do so. he needs professional help, half way house etc. it's ultimatum time. me or the drugs. give him at least 1 yr to prove he is clean before you bring him back into your life.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:05 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • 1st your baby's life & safety trumps the father. So shake off the fear of him leaving you. Your about to be responsible for a completely dependent lil human. You will be doing both of them a favor by toughing up. I know it’s hard, u love this person, so you see what he can be, who he may even be when he’sweet to u, but that isn't the reality. The reality is, he's sick, w an illness that affects his thinking, actions & has control over him. This makes him dangerous to you & your baby. If you want to stay w this man, the best thing you could do is leave him, let him hit bottom & get help. If he is using you as his crutch (10 yrs) he will never change, y should he, you put up w all his crap.
    DzineMama

    Answer by DzineMama at 3:23 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I was in the EXACT same boat as you! I left my daughters dad because of drugs, he went to jail "found God" and supposedly got better, we got back together 7 months later only for me to leave him again because of alcohol. I let my daughters be a part of his life only because he is good with them, he loves them very very much and the amount of time he spends with them is very short (Tue, Wed from 5:00 PM-7:30 PM, Sun 11:30 AM-7:30 PM) they dont spend the night over there though. I had to put my older daughter in therapy because I was scared she was gonna end up on one of those intervention episodes because of it! =)
    trinityella

    Answer by trinityella at 3:38 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • You are going to be a mom this is the most awesome thing you will do, But if you let him in youre babys life and something happens as a result of his drugs lying and anger you will be responsible for what ever happens in the eyes of god and the courts, You should defintley leave him or you could end up losing the most important person in you're life youre baby. Trust me ive been there i was an alcaholic and so was my husband i ended up losing my kids. That was my wake up call. I just wished to god i would of woke up sooner before i had to loose my kids and put them threw unecasary pain and anguish. Put youre baby first then youreself.
    awesomemom1

    Answer by awesomemom1 at 3:51 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • how will you stop him from seeing the baby if you are still together? And for 10 years this has not bothered you or you would not have stayed for so long, I understand you wanting the best for your baby but shouldn't his drug problem been addressed before having a baby with him, I dont think he would be a great dad if you are this worried all of a sudden, and I dont think you think that either or you would not have said it after all the problems you are having with him, you hope/wish he will be a good father(if that makes sense).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • There is something you can do..If you talk to a lawyer the month you are due you can put paperwork in the process to ensure your childs saftey. They can make him attend classes to get the help that he needs, especially if you are afraid he may hurt the baby or cause the baby harm.
    fire_girl7281

    Answer by fire_girl7281 at 10:06 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

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