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Is it okay if your significant other has best friends of the opposite sex?

My boyfriend of 4 years has always had friends that are girls. I haven't ever really had a problem with it until recently when he invited her to go with us and a group of other people to Las Vegas where he proceeded to have more fun with her and not include me in on their conversations. Afterwards I expressed to both of them my uncomfortablness with the trip and how I saw them interact, but they both proceeded to talk to each other every day sometimes multiple times a day without mentioning it to me. My boyfriend told me he hid it from me because he knew I would be upset not that something else is going on. He doesn't understand why he can't be friends with girls like he can with guys. He just doesn't get that it seems like more when he talks to another woman every day and confides in her our problems at home. What do you think? Shouldn't there be a line? Where does that line stop?

Answer Question
 
CindyLea3

Asked by CindyLea3 at 1:28 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • If he isn't leaving you at home to go out with her every night and day, he isn't sleeping with her and he comes home to you...why is it so bad?
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 1:32 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well for one you aren't married. If you were married I'd say its a no no but you're just dating. My husband and I have a rule that we don't have "best" opposite sex friends. We both have acquaintances we talk to in passing but no good friends of the opposite sex. It just opens the door to issues that are best left alone. Besides, we are each other's best friend and really don't need others.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 1:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • My husband has alot of female friends, most of which i am friends with now also. But one time a mutual friend of ours was starting, in my opinion, to get a little too close. My husband is such a bubbly person it comes off like flirting but she was reading into it way wrong. I started to get uncomfortable with the inside jokes and feeling like the outcast so I told him. He gave me a whole bunch of reasons why he would never do anything with her but I just repeated it makes me uncomfortable. We still see her from time to time, I never made him stop speaking to her, but it just kind of went away because after i said something he was thinking about how I would feel so he didnt joke with her anymore and she slowly seperated from us. If you BF really cares for you there is a happy medium that can be reached between you and his friend he just has to want to do it.
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 1:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well, if they were his friends before you came along, you really have no right to expect them to not remain his friends now that he has you. Either you can trust him or not. Just because he has female friends does not mean he wants to sleep with them. If he does or did, he would have already and telling him that he cannot have these friends anymore will leave you out in the cold.
    AmeliasMommy206

    Answer by AmeliasMommy206 at 1:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Yes it is ok.I get along with males better then females lol..We just have that understanding.AND if they are BEST friends..THAT is how best friends act sometimes lol..remember high school ;)
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 1:46 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • yes
    LyTe684

    Answer by LyTe684 at 1:58 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I just feel like if their behavior together makes me feel uncomfortable whether they are just friends or not that its inappropriate. I don't think he shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex at all I just think there are certain things that you don't do with that friend when you are in a relationship with someone else so as not to put your significant other in a position of wondering if there is something else going on or not. If he hides from me the fact that he talks to this girl every day, it makes me feel like there is something more to the story than there should be. I have guys friends, but I don't talk to them every day and I include my boyfriend to make him comfortable. This isn't high school where it's okay to hang all over your friend of the opposite sex in front of your significant other. We're grown up and there are kids involved.
    CindyLea3

    Comment by CindyLea3 (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I have male friends and I have always my SO has female friends its all okay .
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:04 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • If it stays at work (only for the sake of getting along with co-workers) but anything past that like phone calls and trying to hang out etc. No... that's always a recipe for dissaster I don't care who you are.
    Fabulous5

    Answer by Fabulous5 at 2:24 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Sounds like its more than just friends to me. I would not be cool with my so having a friendship with other women outside of work cause both men and women are trifling.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 2:46 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

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