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3 Bumps

I dont know what to do! My husband and I almost seperated over the weekend, but somehow I got us to all be together again...

However I still feel so lost and confused. I know in my heart leaving is the right thing to do, but my parents dont support divorce, i have no college education to support my kids and i. I wanted to do Army ROTC (you can as a single parent) but the closest university is 2 hours away from my parents house, so id be all alone in a different city trying to do school and the single mom thing. I have some family in the new city but i dont think they would really be able to help. I am so confused. If i do leave my husband I dont want to live with my parents, they make my life hell. We dont have much of a relationship. But
I cant afford to live on my own! IF i stay with my husband i risk being unhappy, possibly forever. I am second guessing my decision to come back home with him. I really need some advice, i have no where to turn!

 
anikahaynes1

Asked by anikahaynes1 at 4:01 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,798 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • Don't mean to sound rude, but it's time to put them big girl panties on mama... Who cares if it's not going to be enjoyable at your parents house... is it a roof? is it safe? You need to not worry about your comforts but what is best the for you kid(s)....

    i disagree with the whole "soldier first" excuse..and doing that stuff would make him "gay"... my husband is in the army..airborne infrantryman at, that.... in a ranger brigr. .... thats pretty bad ass, and he does all that good stuff for me... sure not ALL the time, but he does it... and the army (atleast here) they try to keep a "family first" attitude... you can't have a strong soldier with a weak home...

    just keep trying to talk to him.... if he doesnt budge well then he obviously, either isnt strong enough with his own sexuality or still has a lot of growing up to do...

    hope everything gets better for you!!
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 4:14 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Why would you be unhappy 4ever? Is he a jerk?
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:03 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • you do not say what is the main problem with your husband and you
    ??
    the issue makes a difference if you stay and try or you leave
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:03 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I think you should try to work on your problems, maybe you're depressed and that's the reason why you're so unhappy. He's he a jerk? What are the problems? Are the able to be worked out? We need details.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:05 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • If yall can work it out stay. You not sayin why you wanna leave him.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 4:06 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • if you love your husband, try to work it out....figure out what the problem is, when it began, and how you can solve it...most issues just need a conversation... guys don't like to open up, but when they do, be supportive...it's the first step to reconsiling your marriage
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 4:06 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • No one can tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you still have options. If he's being abusive, in anyway...verbal, physical, emotional, etc, you need to leave. your parents may not support divorce, but i'm almost certain they're going to love you no matter what, and at least try to be understanding of your situation. if he is being abusive in any way, that is the big picture...you can't have that! also, instead of simply doing ROTC, you could just try enlisting in general. The military can and will help you take care of yourself and your kids. They will also pay for school. I was in the Navy for 2 years. I didn't have a kid at the time, but I can still tell you from experience that it was the smartest decision I'd ever made. the military gave me my own way...and i did get pregnant while still enlisted. they helped with everything i needed still! think it over. add me as a friend if your want to talk to someone.
    DereksBabyMomma

    Answer by DereksBabyMomma at 4:08 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Sweetie no one can tell you the right answer for your situation. Being an Army wife is a tough job... and it is not something you can explain to anyone who has not been a wife to a military man. You need to stop and think about what you really want... not your parents, or your friends... you need to write down what your feeling and talk to your husband... which is not going to be easy. But sometimes they get so focused on their job, their career that we get lost in the shuffle of kids, bills, house, career....
    Talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you want... try and find those feelings that first made him so appealing... Love is a verb... it requires action... and sometjmes we feel like we are doing all the work. If you need to talk I am only a click away....
    kamore

    Answer by kamore at 4:12 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I totally agree with JuLiAn'S mOM 317 . You and your children having somewhere to stay is what's most important. Maybe you don't need a divorce. You could try a trail separation. See if that helps. As for you, you sound very insecure and you seem to think you need your husband to have a good quality of life. Girl you need to strap up them boot laces and go to school and get yourself your own means of support. Family is important but it's not a real family if you are miserable.
    Nikup

    Answer by Nikup at 4:42 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • The Army will not just help you, you have to have a family care plan if you are a single parent. They don't give you a family care plan. Even duel military have to have a family care plan. And, if you are a single parent, I believe you have to sign your kids away while in basic and AIT. So, your DH would have custody.
    He probably has PTSD. As for the gay thing, maybe he has gay tendencies and is afraid of it? IDK. Has he always been this way? Not showing affection towards you? If not, then something happened. And affair? Do you think that happened? If not, and it started during the deployment, then I'm leaning more towards PTSD. In which case, he needs mental help. They don't come back the same. Mine didn't. And we've had our problems, but we have worked through them, and we continue to work though them. But you have to WANT to work through them. You do have options, you just have to find the, and be willing to accept them.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:17 PM on Sep. 8, 2010