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needing to wait, but don't really want to... adult content

I feel as if I know the answer to this, but my husband and I aren't TTC, however we aren't doing anything to prevent it from happening, so aside from taking temps, talking to doctor, charting, etc...there's really not much to do to kind of make it happen. We are hoping that more stable careers will come along before it happens instead of just jobs to pay the bills, but I feel like I don't want to wait. Everytime I get near babies I get sad, we went to a friends baby shower this past weekend and I actually got teary...I know I need to talk to my hubby about it, I'm sure he would understand, but I just don't know what to do or how to tell him without getting the answer I expect. We will certainly be happy if it happened tomorrow, but would prefer it to wait until we have better careers, but I feel like I am sooooo ready!!! Sorry...just needed to get some of that out...

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Asked by dlandrum at 5:52 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 17 (3,406 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Communication with your partner is always the best policy. You'll never know what he is thinking and vice versa, if you don't talk about it. Good luck! :)

    Answer by Kword at 5:56 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I was telling my husband i wanted to wait until we were better off financially until we had 10k in savings etc. and he really wanted a kid, but then one day I decided that realisticly if I want to wait until we can afford it it'll never happen. That being said we have enough money so that getting pregnant isn't irresponisble, it's just not when we're so well off nothing could hurt us, but I think there is never a way to know you're ready in the sense of finances. I say talk to your hubby. The feeling probably won't just go away. Good Luck!

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 5:57 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I know it's hard to wait :) On the flip side, too, you can never really be ready to have a baby... there's always one more goal to reach, one more thing to do, before planning babies... I would definitely talk to your DH though, and come up with a plan - such as, if by so-and-so date, you guys will begin trying no matter what.
    Do you guys have concrete plans mapped out for how you will reach your financial/career goals? Having a written plan will help.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 5:58 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I know and I know I can talk to him about anything...I've just NEVER been good at really expressing how I feel, I tend to just sit and stew about it by I said, I know I can and should talk to him about it, it would probably cheer me up, but at the same time, I feel like since there's not much else we could do to actually TTC then why bother. If I was on BC or something that was actually preventing it, then obviously I would need to talk to him about it...ya know? But I'm sure he can tell I've been feeling down, but it's not just from this, and we'll end up talking about it...Thanks though!!!

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 6:00 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Oh trust me....if there's one thing I've're NEVER really ready financially to have a baby. I just see too many mom's that I work with struggling much more than I feel should be necessary. I know whether we do it now or wait it's going to be a struggle, I just want to try to eliminate as much of that struggle as I possibly can by having steady paying jobs. We're both servers so we never know what we're going to make each day, week, or month...

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 6:02 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • dlandrum, what are you really afraid of? Think abou this: If he didn't want a baby, you'd be on birthcontrol pills or some other means of withholding the necessary ingredents together for conception. First off, this is consuming you. When that happens, it puts our bodies on alert. If there's one thing you'll see, its you have to be relaxed. Maybe you should take up something to do to get your mind off it for a month or two. Purpose it in yourself that for the next eight weeks you're not going to have a baby. You're going to relax, enjoy making love for the fun of it. Maybe kidnap your husband for the weekend off to some lovely place with a pool and a Kingsize bed. Find some funny DVD's that will make you laugh so hard you cry. Oh, make sure you bring some romantic music, sented candles, and hot oils to give those wonderful back rubs with. Forget about everything else and enjoy the moment with and for him!

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 2:56 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • As far as talking to him I'm not afraid of anything really, I'm just never good with really expressing how I feel when it comes to major stuff, which of course is the stuff I should be talking about as soon as it becomes an issue. I know that no matter what, and he knows too, that I'm not ever going back on any form of BC because we believe it to be a serious link in a lot of medical problems my mom and grandmothers have had, mom isn't happy with how long I was on it to begin with.
    I am nervous, as I'm sure most women are on whether or not I'm actually going to be a good mom. The idea of someone's life basically being in my hands, freaks me out!
    Also...I think a lot of this, and I know I need to see a doctor but with no insurance at the moment, it's kind of hard. My mom informed me of complications for her, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother (all her side, not sure about my dad's) getting pregnant, and my cycle has...

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 8:02 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • been completely out of whack since it started back after being on the Depo shot. So I'm nervous on if I even can.
    Then, and I realize you're never really financially prepared, but my husband and I are both servers, so we never know what we're going to make each day, week, or month (it basically averages out though) and I don't want that added struggle. We went through like a pregnancy epidemic at work and I see all the mom's struggling each month, and I already know it's going to be a struggle, so the more I can bring that down the better.
    But I do need to talk to him and he'll help me out, probably just talking to him will help, and I do need to find something to take my mind off of it, at least until I'm able to see a doctor. Thanks everyone!

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 8:06 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • gl

    Answer by san78 at 8:08 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • If you are not in a financial position to afford a child then do not try to have one. It is hard being poor with just two people but when you knowingly bring a child into that mixture.... well I see that as irresponsible. I am grateful to Allah (SWT) that He (SWT) did not grant us with children while my husband was an international student. Especially as we were below the poverty line for the first two years of our marriage. Communication is the key in a relationship and is important when thinking of starting a family. If one person isn't up to having children at a certain point in time then you should do the right thing and wait for a better future.

    Answer by wife2ali at 1:44 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

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