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help dealing with step kids

I am dating a man with three kids ages 7,5,4. I have a 3 yr old and we have one on the way. I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to do. I find myself wishing their mother had custody (and thats bad!!) and then hating myself for it. Any advice, tips, been theres from other step moms? I'm to the point I feel like getting out because I don't think we work together anymore. Am I a horrible person? Please help!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Oct. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • what exactlly are they doing that is making you so upset. Talk to thier dad about it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Give it some time, you all have to get used to each other. It will get better as soon as they figure out they can't chase you off. My SS is an evil child and was used to his mother coming and going whenever she wanted to. Now, he has me and has been for the last year trying to get rid of me. I think he just doesn't like women and he is goign to take it out on me, the only woman is dumb enough to deal with his crap. He is 4. We have had him for a year.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • They don't take pride in their stuff, talk back, hit, steal food from us, tear up each others things, ect. And I feel its really not fair to my daughter to not be able to bring all her things to this house because I know the other kids will destroy them. I've tried my best to teach them to take care of things and to be nice to each other but after a year I really don't see a difference. I've talked to him bout everything. He just says he's felt like I do before when he was first on his own with them. I dont think he realizes just how much this is bothering me. We live in a two bedroom house that is a disaster. I'm scared for anyone to come over and see the filth we live in. And the sad thing is that his friends that have been over talk about how much better the house looks. I want so much to help them and show them better but at what cost to me and my daughter? Am I crazy?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • read this book" parenting with love and logic" for every yr of the child is the number of months it takes to turn them around. try that and after you tried and was consistent then you can leave knowing you did everything you could.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 7:23 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • Please don't take this the wrong way but you and your man need to set rules, be consistant and dicipline these kids. I understand there isn't much you can do when they are at their mothers, but at your house the rules are the rules. If they don't appreciate their things then take everything away and make them earn them back. It's hard but you have to stand your ground and be consistant. You and their father are the adults and have to set the boundaries. I would tell your man either he step up and start being a father or you are out of there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • We set rules but I think he is more lax with them than I am. We were raised differently and don't always see eye to eye on how they should act or be punished for. He thinks I spoil my daughter too much I think his could stand a little spoiling. He's a spanker and I only believe in that as a last resort. We try to see eye to eye and meet in the middle but don't always seem to make it there. Their mother only sees them maybe once every 3 to 4 months. Which is a good thing...she overdosed while pregnant with them and doesn't take any interest in them now. I think she would have signed away her rights had he not asked her to.
    aartbug

    Answer by aartbug at 8:30 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

  • I don't get into relationships with guys who have kids...
    anaebanae

    Answer by anaebanae at 10:34 PM on Oct. 14, 2008

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