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husbands affair adult content

your married for 30 yrs. and you just found out your husband had an affair 20 yrs. ago. he says there was no sex just forplay,and it went on for 4 mos. of coarse this was after he said he could'nt remember cause it was so long ago, yea right. how would you handle this? and as far as you know this was the only one. do you believe he did'nt have sex w/her?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Foreplay meaning what? A BJ? Sounds like he's trying to downplay it to make it sounds like it wasn't really an affair because there was no "sex"

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:28 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • if i believed it was the only one ,and it was 20 years prior..why would i care what occurred? an affair is an either accept it, forgive, and move on. or you don't.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:30 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • agreed. foreplay doesnt mean just teasing over the phone. foreplay can mean giving oral sex , touching each other, anything as long as there's no penetration. you always remember way back then with any ex's or in this case, mistress's. you ALWAYS remember these things. he doesnt want to give you all the details

    i would first not have too much trust cause he might be willing to do it again or maybe he stopped doing it and decided to be a faithful husband now. As far as i know, if cheaters arent caught, they'd do it again.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 7:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Hillary?

    Seriously. Either he fesses up, or you move on. There is no healing without honesty.

    Answer by lovinangels at 7:45 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Wow! I would be stunned, and really confused! But I think I would have to discuss what happened (not gory details of their "fore play" but what was going on in your life when he did it) and then decide if it's something you can live with. And if you can trust that it was once and no sex. I've been married 18 years and I really don't know if I could forgive no matter how long ago it was! Just don't make decisions from the hurt!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:51 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I have to question why he's telling you this NOW? I mean seriously, the only reason to do that would be to hurt you. I'm sure he said he felt the burden of guilt was just too much, but if that were really the case, he wouldn't have had the affair to begin with.
    Only you can decide what to do about this, but he has to come clean about it. Personally, I wouldn't want ALL the gory details...I would just torture myself with it. What you shouldn't do is spend the rest of your life punishing him for this. So either forgive him fully, or leave him.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 7:58 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • he did have sex if he had foreplay just not intercourse but he is not my husband so i couldn't answer for you but for me i would only believe that he started to have sex and changed his mind but if he did foreplay for a month i wouldn't believe that he didn't have intercourse. who would go back just to get blue balls.

    Answer by melody77 at 8:22 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • If it was honestly 20 yrs in the past........ Id leave it there.


    Answer by sahlady at 8:52 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Ummm. I wouldn't believe him, not now, not ever.

    Answer by QandA at 9:03 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well how did you find out after all this time> I am so curious to how this came up.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:16 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

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