Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Advice on Family situation

I currently live about an hour away from where I grew up and that is still where my grandmother and my brother are. My brother is 17 yrs old and he is a tough place b/c my grandmother is currently in the hospital we just found out she has cancer in the bone marrow and my brother has hodkins lymphoa so he is also taking chemo treatments biweekly and my grandmother is doing 5 days a week for 3 weeks radiation and taking the chemo pill and I can not go to visit everyday but my grandmother is not doing well . People are pushing me to just drop everything and go but I have 3 kids 2 are in school and no extra vehical and no one to get my kids from school or to their appts. What would you do in this situation?

Answer Question

Asked by sweet_mamaof3 at 9:14 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Health

Level 13 (1,071 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Is there any way to get there via public transport? I know it would be a pain but it sounds like they need you.

    Answer by leah_rai at 9:16 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • i would go visit as much as i could and call them every day to chat and see how they're doing. gee your family is having a hard time right now.... hope things get better

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:16 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I go there every weekend and I call multiple times a day I know they need me and i really wish I could be there everyday but it's just not feasible right now. I have appts almost everyday during the week I just don't want to let them down.

    Comment by sweet_mamaof3 (original poster) at 9:19 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • What are your appts for, your kids or you?? If not for your kids, then you are having problems with facing that your family needs you, and yes, I would not want to be in your shoes. I have my own personal problems and demons to face. What you need to do is sit down and figure out what you can do, and if in the back of your mind it says go to your grandma and brother, then go to them, I am sure that someone you know and trust can help with the home front for a few days or so. That is what friends are for, for us to lean on from time to time. I am sure they have used you to lean on when they needed help.

    Answer by Ruthie170 at 9:27 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Grandma and brother may just have to live with you if you are expected to take care of them and take them places and grandma may just have to let you use her car (provided she has one) for that purpose.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:27 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Grandma may even have to help pay for pub transport if avail in your area. But 2 ppl on chemo do not need to be exposed to pub transport imho. They may have to come to you, live w/ u and their docs may have to be changed to docs in your area.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:31 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I do not have any friends in the area I live in b/c we just moved from SC last year and we moved to be closer to my family.
    The appt's i have are all for my kids. before i moved to sc I raised my brother from the age of 7-14 and I took care of everything. They only have me and I only have them(and my family-husband kids and his parents) I have already told her I would move her down with me but they are both like they can't leave their home and all these other excuses like he can't leave his g/f (which he can't be around b/c they are both on probation) I just am running out of options. I have always taken care of everything and for some reason this situation I have no idea what to do.

    Comment by sweet_mamaof3 (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • My heart goes out to you and your family. I would try and reach out to all/any of your family in the area and see if there is any way you can take "turns" going there. It is impossible for you to take on the world, although it sounds like your heart really wants to. You have children and responsibilities of your own, and if you run yourself down you won't be good to them or anyone. I really hope someone in your family steps up and alternates visits with you. If not, you might also reach out to your church members or check non-profit free resources. It never hurts to pray, especially for strength you'll need to deal with all of this. God bless and best wishes! :)

    Answer by carol2m2 at 9:39 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • Well, you have made an honest attempt to really help them. Hopefully, this illness is short term. If they cannot accomodate you and your limited resources, I do not know how to help them. I know they need you but they gotta meet you halfway...
    I am not saying abandon them but really they could be a"ittle more flexible.
    They could even just move closer if not in w/ you.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:39 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • We do not have any family my grandfather(her husband) my father(her son) are both gone to be witht the lord . Luckily her friend from work has been there and come people from the church family has been visiting but it seems like they all feel I should be there as well . . . I just breaks my heart that I feel like i'm letting them down. Thank you all for your answers you have been so kind.

    Comment by sweet_mamaof3 (original poster) at 9:43 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.