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When will the hurt stop?

My GR-son will have a B'Day Sept 15, and he'll be 9. They are getting harder as he gets older without his Mother, he says he sees all the other kids with Mommies and he is with his Dad. I try to be a Mother figure as much as I can, some days we just cry together. He told me one night," Gr-Mom if you die it will like losing my Mommy all over again." I seem to hurt more for him than myself as he gets older, for what he is missing and going to miss. I don't know when the hurt will stop. Never I guess!!

 
MyAngel003

Asked by MyAngel003 at 10:04 PM on Sep. 8, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 26 (25,899 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It doesn't. I grew up without my birth parents. I know how this feels. It doesn't stop.

    But having other adults who love, who support, who care, who teach, who share, who mentor ... all of these things make all the difference in the world.

    And it's not about what you do or don't do for a birthday or anything like that - it's about the presence that you have in his life.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 2:52 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I agree, it doesn't. Due to his death, my daughter is growing up without her father. This isn't a hurt that will ever "stop". And that's what people don't seem to understand. Children who have experienced the death of a parent DO hurt over and over again, as they reach different developmental stages and are able to comprehend the loss at new levels and in different ways.

    Nancy said it just right - it's about the presence that you have in his life. That is what is going to make the difference.
    jinxandjoy

    Answer by jinxandjoy at 8:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • WOW Im so sorry. He is always goin to be hurt no matter what, All it matter that he got you in his life and when he get older he will see it more then what he dose right now. Just keep doin what your doin anfd make sure he get the best b-day ever.
    sguy1983

    Answer by sguy1983 at 10:10 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • What a hard time for both of you. He will probably always miss his mom, but it sounds like you are doing all you can. Try to find something special to do for his birthday that really fits his interests (air & space museum, zoo, laser tag, etc) and keep your head up, you're doing a great job!

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:32 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • I'm sorry your going through such a rough time, I know what it feels like to not have a mother, all the different emotions stirring inside you, but your grandson has one thing I didn't have, someone to understand and support him, I wish I had someone like you around when I was little! Keep being there for him, it sounds like he's very lucky to have you.
    mom-de-uno

    Answer by mom-de-uno at 11:35 PM on Sep. 8, 2010

  • The birthday we had for him went really well, he enjoyed it with his cousins. He was so busy, he was actually able to keep his mind off of his loss enough not to be upset and touchy when his cousins did something minor to him this year. I was very happy for him. Thank you all for your kind words, it means a lot to hear such encouragement. Anne
    MyAngel003

    Comment by MyAngel003 (original poster) at 12:02 AM on Sep. 13, 2010