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4 Bumps

Adopting

My friend has a 2 year old and a 2 month old. She absolutely adores the 2 year old but wants nothing to do with the 2 month old. I fell in love with the baby as soon as I saw her and my friend keeps trying to get me to babysit all of the time. She has told me that she has considered adoption. If you were in the situation, how would you convince your friend to let you adopt the baby? I have 2 of my own and have had 2 miscarriages but I can not sit back and watch her not love this baby. And are there any financial sources for assistance? I need any advice I can get. Please and thank you.

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agrafel

Asked by agrafel at 12:42 AM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Adoption

Level 6 (117 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Perhaps instead of trying to convince you friend to let you adopt, you can help her get some counseling?
    Roadfamily6now

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 12:44 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • She won't do it. She doesn't want anything to do with the baby.
    agrafel

    Comment by agrafel (original poster) at 12:46 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Have you told her you would be willing to adopt the baby? If she is telling you that she is thinking of adoption maybe she is hinting to you that she wants you to adopt him or her.
    Decker

    Answer by Decker at 8:11 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like post partum depression may be going on. Two months is not very long to fall in love with a baby and as many of us know, those first couple of months can be really difficult.

    Was she talking about adoption prior to the birth of the baby or is this sudden? My advice is to babysit when you can and let more time pass where hopefully she can get some help. (Unless you think the baby is in danger)
    No one should need to be "convinced" to place their child for adoption and you convincing your friend will not assist that baby. You wont feel good about it and neither will she. If down the line she wants you to adopt the baby, there is no assistance in advance for all of the costs but you can write some expenses off on your taxes. You will need at minimum a home study (including criminal, FBI and Child Abuse clearances) and an attny.

    2ndtimewish

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 12:54 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • The adoption process isn't hard, but will take a long time. There's things like home studies, attorney fees, and more that you would be required to pay out of pockt. There are not any grants for adoption, except for a few private donations, international adoption, and for children with mental and physical defects. Our son's adoption cost less than $1500, however, we had nearly everything done when the social worker got to our house (I had taken all the questions from the home study, and had typed them out for her).

    It might be possible to take guardianship of the baby temporarily, until you could get the money gathered. Ideally, if you can't afford to adopt the baby right now, you probably shouldn't, due to the fact that kids are very expensive.

    I'd encourage your friend to get some help with post-partum disease, which can be 99% of the problem. Also, where's the father in all this? Maybe he needs to help more.
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 2:11 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Trying to convince her is a very bad idea for all parties involved. I don't think that friends do that to each other.

    Babysit as much as you can and help out however you can. Encourage her to get some help and find out why she is feeling this way. I agree that post-partum depression might be a possibiltiy.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 6:39 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I think that the best option is to try to keep the baby as much as possible until she works through what she is going through. This way you know that the baby is getting loved and adored and you are helping your friend. I would not try to convince her to let you adopt though.....Moms say a lot of things when they are depressed. I am sure she loves her baby but her hormones are going crazy and she may be depressed. If you try to convince her to do something she doesn't want to do.,....it could cause a lot of problems.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 11:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • WOW, what a tough situation. Best of luck! I do agree that you shouldn't try to convince her, speaking from a birth moms perspective. You can still talk to her about adoption and let her know you would be interested, and then maybe talk about taking guardianship. But DON'T be pushing about it, and just let her know that you are there for her no matter what. And then be there for her. As long as it is not over whelming you or taking away from your family, be there there for as much as you can. Sounds like she needs you.
    Ks_mom94

    Answer by Ks_mom94 at 4:58 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • This sounds like post partum depression. Try to get her help because this is a risky situation. Good luck.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 10:01 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Caring for a newborn is very demanding especially when there is a toddler or older child who is on a different schedule. I don't think convincing her to let you adopt the baby is best for either one of them. Adoption is permanent and the newborn sleep deprived phase is temporary. Don't try to convince her to do something she may regret later.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 12:07 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

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