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Help! Frenemies are bullying my daughter.

My daughter is 12. Sally and Amy, used to be her friends, but they have recently had a falling out. Sally and my daughter parted company at the end of last year, and Amy and my daughter were joined at the hip until Ali and Sally tried to be friends again. Sally and Amy then teamed up.

Something happened in the last two weeks since school started, and Ali has been kind of vague about it. I don't normally press too hard into stuff like that because I think it's important that she learns how to deal with conflict. Of course if she needs/wants help I am always available.

Yesterday the girls followed my daughter home threatening to hurt her. She was crying and then got a phone call from another mutual friend who stated that the two girls were planning to destroy her guitar, followed by a text from Amy calling Ali a stupid whore. I told Ali to stay away from them, and told Amy and Sally the same. Should I do anything else?

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webgirl8369

Asked by webgirl8369 at 7:02 AM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (53 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You can alert her teacher about what is going on, so that she/he can keep an eye on the situation at school. If possible, pick your daughter up at school everyday. Tell her that it is important that if she feels unsafe, threatened or if the girls do something to her that she tell an adult.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:44 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • it is time to make a few phone calls... first to the girls parents. I have a 12 year old daughter and I understand that everything is emotional at this age but bullying is not allowed and all the girls need to realize there are consequences for their actions including your daughter. My daughter tends to be the one that does the bullying... there are consequences at home, school and in real life. We talk about this often. I hope that it gets better it is very stressful for you as the parent.
    kamore

    Answer by kamore at 8:02 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like typical girl crap :(
    let the school know there are issues and if it gets worse make sure you write out what is going on so they have a written record of it in case it continues or escalates (sp?)
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:07 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • i'm sure its over some boy or something...
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:18 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I agree that something needs to be done. I think you should start with the school first. If you can show them the text that was sent to your daughter that would be helpful. I don't know if I would speak to the parents. From my experience the parents are usually quick to defend their child and put the blame on your child. My daughter had a similar experience at the beginning of 5th grade. Her BFF of two years decided to no longer speak to her. She then began to follow my daughter around during recess with her new friend and harass her. My daughter asked me to call her mom. The mom didn't even return my phone call ( I left a nice message ),. So I ran into her dad the next evening and spoke to him.. He said they should just stay away from each other. The girls reconnected last year in grade 7. I think they want to be friends again but are afraid to tell us parents. They are friendly at school.
    jcm62497

    Answer by jcm62497 at 8:21 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • If they kept up, I'd call the police. No one deserves threats, and it's illegal regardless of their age. I'm not saying that you don't, but a lot of people don't realize how incredibly traumatizing things like this can be to a child. To them, that is their whole world, and there have been soooo many children who have taken extremem measures to deal with bullying. I'd talk to the school, too, and let them know that you expect them to take this seriously.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:06 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Thanks for the tips guys. Apparently Sally decided to harass my daughter again on the bus. I put a call into the guidance office but the receptionist told me that they may not return my call today because they are doing bench mark testing. Sigh.
    webgirl8369

    Comment by webgirl8369 (original poster) at 10:25 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

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