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2 Bumps

What would you do??? How would you feel...

...if your child (who is 2 1/2) bit another child at a gathering, despite your efforts to prevent this (since it's an ongoing struggle) and the host of the gathering approached you and your child...speaking ONLY to your child and said "we do not hurt people in my house, I have to ask you to leave because we are not allowed to hurt people in my house"...in a tone that MIGHT be appropriate for a 10 year old?
(note: You did everything you could, apologized to the child, "made nice"...AND were planning to remove your child anyway despite the long way you traveled to get there)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I would've gotten between my child and the host and said "I understand your frustration, but I have already corrected him. He is two, and he's going through a phase, and I am terribly sorry that it happened. We were just leaving."

    Then I would've expected her to either apologize to my child for getting in his face, or apologize to me for trying to parent my child when I had already done so.
    MunchiesMom324

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 11:37 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Everyone always stresses over "how do I get my child to stop biting?" ... this might be just what the child needs. I see absolutely nothing wrong with "we do not hurt people in my house", and I can't see where it would hurt to have the child hear this.
    Planning on sending the child to preschool? The teacher will discipline. Planning on the child having friends? Those parents will discipline. Planning on the child going to school? guess what? yep. At church, at the grandparents, visiting friends ... different places have different rules - and "we do not hurt people in my house" is a great one ... her house, her rules, and I don't care what tone she was using, I support the hostess 100%.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 6:15 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • You say that this is an ongoing struggle. Your child BIT another child. I have 6. One was, for a brief time, a biter. When he was still biting, he was at my side at gatherings. When he would want to go play with the other children, he was told no, he could not go because he bites. Soon he got tired of missing all the fun and he stopped biting.
    So many parents get so upset when someone else reprimands their child. They don't seem to know the difference between "disciplined" and "reprimanded". This woman reprimanded your child - and if he was biting, he needed to be reprimanded. What would I do? I would respect her wishes and leave the party - and tell your child that next time he will not be allowed to go, that he will be at home with the babysitter. (and the distance you drove to get there? is not at all relevant)
    yoliplus6

    Answer by yoliplus6 at 6:41 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like you feel that she stepped on your toes because she told your child not to bite. It's her house, she can tell your child not to bite.
    3boysandmekmcd

    Answer by 3boysandmekmcd at 6:20 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Hmmm. I don't think it was appropriate for another adult to "reprimand" your child if you were already taking care of the issue.
    tortkey

    Answer by tortkey at 11:21 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I think the host was a bit immature.. A lot of children have biting problems and real mothers understand that. I would feel mad at first & then realize that she probably lives a miserable life anyway! Brush it off! =)
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:13 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Well said superrmommyy! She is clueless... don't let her rent anymore free space in your head ;)
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 11:19 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Leave.

    I thinkt he host was in the wrong a bit but also don't blame them. They should have spoken to you to see what you were doing about the situation and should have given your child a chance to show they won't act up again... but the host ALSO has to watch out for the safety of the other children. The host doesn't want a lawsuit because they tried to have a "gathering" in their home that would be fun for the kids. Nor do they want people to not want to come to their "gatherings" because they can't control the people invited and their kids.

    Imagine it was your child who was bitten. Would you want to continue to stay at a function where your child is going to potentially be hurt or would you want to go back if the host didn't do or say anything?
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 11:19 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • BTW my daughter was a biter for a while and I simply would take her out of the situation AS her punishment for acting like that. I told her if we couldn't play nice and not hurt others then she would never have any friends because hurting people is bad.

    BUT if someone were at my house with a biter I would simply either watch to see that apologies were given and that something was done to make the child understand their actions were wrong or I would ask the parent how the situation would be handled. I would give the child a chance to redeem themself.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 11:22 AM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Your hostess dealt with the situation as she saw fit (kinda bitchy, if you ask me), but at the same time, she is a hostess to all of the other children/parents too. Has this happened before around her? If so, what were the consequences? Maybe she didn't think you dealt with it appropriately then, and this time she had the authority to call the shots. Again, the way she handled it was bitchy. She should have spoken to you, NOT your child. Does she speak to her own child like they are very mature? I also have to ask, if you know that your child is going through the biter phase, why were you not there with eyes on them at all times? Any parent would understand if you had to carry on a conversation while not looking at them, but observing your child. After all, your child is YOUR responsibility.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:07 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

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