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At the age of 10 1/2...how much of the responsibility do you let your child have control over doing thier homework/getting it done and turning it in on time?

I am forever asking questions reguarding my 10 year old because sometimes I really just don't know which direction to take with him on certain things and like to get a little insight from moms with kids this age or have had experience with thier kids already being this age.
This year,since he is older, I'm doing things a little differently.I want him to take responsibility for himself for turning in his work&completing it. It takes everything I have within me to not stress out over this and just get on him to make him do this stuff the right way! For example,he has to read nightly for 15 minutes and I have to sign off on it.He refuses to do it,yet he blames me when his "mean" teacher wants to know where this paper is.I won't sign for something he didnt do.I've told him that he will suffer the consequences for not doing his work by getting bad grades.He just doesnt seem to care.How do/did you handle this?

 
kimberlyinberea

Asked by kimberlyinberea at 12:42 PM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 29 (39,262 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • My daughter (age 11) is solely responsible for her own performance. She has been taught that she needs to do her work. If she chooses not to do it, then she can suffer the consequences - both whatever consequences the teacher chooses to impose, such as low grades or loss of school activities, and whatever consequences I choose to impose, such as "no you can't go to a friend's house because you didn't do your work"
    I give a reminder - I'll ask "do you have homework?" or "what homework do you have tonight?" or "how much homework do you have?" - and if she asks to do something or go somewhere, I'll ask "is your homework done?" .. but outside of that, her choices are her own.
    The goal is to prepare these kids for the real world. We aren't going to be standing over their shoulders for the rest of their lives demanding that they do what needs to be done. They have to learn to do it independently.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 2:46 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I have a 10 year old son, and I think they all despise homework, lol. What I do is this, when my son comes in from school, he gets time to eat a snack, and chill out for a few minutes. Then, he does his homework. Usually at the kitchen table, with me messing around in the kitchen (that way I am close if he needs help). I do make sure that he does it every night, I don't check his backpack to get it or anything. Just make sure he does what he tells me he has. From there, it is up to him to turn it in and everything. But, this works really well for us!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:45 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • step daughter is 10 and a half too
    she is very good at doing her homeowrk, finishes most at school before she comes home
    but years past had the old, sign for reading time
    she actually tried to sign my name...boy was she in trouble for that one
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:46 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I think thats 4th or 5th grade right? By 5th grade my sis and I were sole responsible. Both our parents worked full time, and as the oldest I didn't want to be in day care so in 6th grade we got to stay home alone after school. But if homework wasn't done we got punished at home too. No tv, phone calls, dessert... stuff like that. IF something wasn't going to be finished before mom or dad got home we had to call one of them and let them know what and why.
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 12:47 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • 10.5 would be 3rd grade - 100%

    That is pleanty old enough to know how it works. The only part I would do is say "when are you going to do your home work" "do you need any help"

    Oh... the other thing I help with is book reports... I help them learn how to budget time. We count the pages and divide by number of days to read... that way the child has an idea of how much to read each day. And then I help type if needed.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 1:48 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • oops... I meant 4th grade

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 1:49 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • If he refuese to do the reading then you are right to not sign. Your child's teacher is counting on your honesty. For the homework, I would impose at home punishments for not completing it along with those issued in school. No video games, TV, phone, etc until homework is done. Good luck!
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:53 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Bump. IDK my 9yr and 12yr are great about coming in from school doing homework and having me sign off on all of it.
    momto3infl

    Answer by momto3infl at 3:50 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Well, my 10yo (in 5th grade) is SUPPOSED to have 100% responsibility for her work. I expect my school aged kids to do their own work without me hovering over them. I'll help them if their stuck or struggling with something but I'm not going to sit and hold their hand while they do their work. With 3 kids in school and 2 other kids I don't have the time.
    BUT, my 10yo will do anything to get out of her work. She pulls the same thing with her reading logs (blames me when she doesn't do it because I didn't tell her, even though I usually remind her every night). So when she was in 4th grade I had to start hounding her on homework and she has to sit in the kitchen and do it while I cook dinner. My 2nd and 3rd graders usually do theirs on their own unless they get stuck on something.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 4:30 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • My daughter has total responsibility for getting her work done ... and would have to accept the consequences if she chose not to do it.
    jinxandjoy

    Answer by jinxandjoy at 9:02 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

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