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3 Bumps

Help with grounding debate between DH and I!

Recently my 13 year old didnt come home at the time I asked. He went to a friends house and asked if he stay until 9pm. I have him call and check in every two hours just to see how he 's doing. All day he did fine until the last check in; I didnt hear from him, but my DH said its okay leave him alone he'll be home soon. 9 rolled along and nothing. Again my DH said leave him alone he'll be here. By 9:30pm he still wasnt home and he wasnt answering my phone. I couldnt care less anymore what my DH had to say I called his friends phone and got my son on, and he said he lost track of time and had the nerve to ask to stay over. I ended up picking him up and grounding him for 3 weeks. Of course, my son is mad and my DH said that I was too strict and I should give him another chance. What do you think?

Answer Question
 
carina.g

Asked by carina.g at 1:16 PM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (78 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • For the first occurance, i would say you were too strict. I would say a week but don't retract it now. And hopefully your DH didn't say that in front of your son.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:17 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I dont think I would ground him for 3 weeks but he would be grounded...maybe for a week and if he did it again he would get the 3 weeks.
    dmelyoung

    Answer by dmelyoung at 1:19 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I would have also grounded. It sounds like he knows that your husband is much more lenient and so he can get away with more. If he knows the rules he can follow them. I lost track of time is okay for 15 minutes or so, but over an hour is not acceptable. Also, why did you have to call the friend when he had a cell with him? I would have grounded for the fact that not only is he late, he's not answering the phone he has with him.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:19 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I think 3 weeks is long but other than that it's not too strict. He didn't do as he was told, he didn't call and he didn't answer his phone. If you want him to respect those rules, you have to follow through.
    valorie59

    Answer by valorie59 at 1:24 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I think maybe too strict but then again, do you think he'll lose track of time again?? probably not.. maybe after a week you could have him earn time back by chores or extra unasked for help around the house.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:26 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • You are COMPLETELY CORRECT! First of all, if your son knows you went easy on him this time he knows he can try it again, and next time may be longer. Being strict with him the FIRST time lets him know you are serious! Also he needs to understand that at all cost he better answer that phone. What was his reasoning for that? Kids these days are ruling the parents! You are right!! I can see if he called a little past 9 and said "mom i am sorry i lost track of time I am on my way" then yes that is understandable...we all make mistakes and he was responsible enough to call. He did no such thing. Good luck!!
    AmyLynn5398

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 1:32 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • This isnt the first time. I'll tell him to be home and right at the time he's suppose to be walking through the door, he calls and asks to stay longer. I always end up calling a friend because he plays with the phone until its dead or he puts the phone down and doesnt hear it.
    carina.g

    Comment by carina.g (original poster) at 1:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Rules are in place for a reason. If you're leenent about them even one time kids will take advantage of that and manipulate you to get off the hook again. Stand your ground and teach your son that he has to obey the rules set in place for him for his own safety. If he cannot manage to do that, then he doesn't need to go over to friend's houses. I'd tell him "I'm very capable of making your teenage years the most boring years of your life. If you cannot follow the rules you will do nothing but go to school, do homework, and do chores. So you make the choice as to whether you want to follow the rules or not." It's that simple.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Kids ask to stay longer, that is normal and not really an offense.

    Three weeks is long, and really the obvious answer is he can't hang with his friends until he can follow the rules. When mine play that game I make it very clear what the consequences are before they leave the house and if the rules are broke there is no next time.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 1:37 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • You were correct.


    3 weeks is a long time but if this is his m.o. then I can see why you chose a long period of time.


     

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 1:42 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

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