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4 Bumps

I am falling out of love, and into love at the same time what do i do???? adult content

K so i have been married for 4 years and been with each other for 9. we have two beautiful boys togther, but lately its been really rocky. We have sex but its got no passion at all just wham bam thank you mam. I love him with all my heart and i know that he is not cheating, i just feel like he is not interested in me anymore. I have tried everything to catch his atteniton, sexually, mentally, but its like he is here but he is not wanting to be here. Then out of the blue my x boyfriend who i still hold a big spot in my heart for, finds me on facebook. We have been talking since July by facebook only, and i feel like im falling in love with him. He makes me feel like nothing else in the world matters as much as me. I know that i am a married woman i just want so badly to be loved, to be happy. I have tried and tried again with my husband i just think its past the point of trying to hard. what do i do?

 
Nicole_06

Asked by Nicole_06 at 1:51 PM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (45 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Woah, I don't envy your situation. Every relationship has road bumps along the way, some minor and some major. THIS would be considered a MAJOR problem in my book. While Im sure every woman on here can appreciate this common rough patch, you really do need to reprioritze things in your life. You can't live in the past with the "what if's" with the ex. you have a LIFE with your husband and child(ren). Get into couples counseling and hash this out. Its gonna get worse before it gets better bc you both obviously have things you need to get off of your chest. You can't move forward if you don't fix these speed bumps. As far as the ex.... as much as you prob don't want to, tell him you have overstepped your boundaries in this marriage and you need to cut ties with him before you step OUT on your marriage. Don't ruin your family over this guy. Imagine the pain. Try to work on what you have. You don't want to be THAT wife who cheated
    Lipstk713

    Answer by Lipstk713 at 12:25 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Sounds to me that the ex is giving you the attention that you aren't getting from your DH! Rather than talk to your ex, why don't you try to sit down with your DH and talk to HIM?

    There is a reason why he is an ex...just because he NOW gives you the attention...If you and your DH were getting along really well, would you still be talking to the ex?
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:56 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Well..i kinda jumped right into it. I mean...ther were couple of months that we were pretending we werent in love with each other after i divorced my ex. But, it was only about 4 months after my divorce that we finally expressed our love for each other. We've been together for 5 years & he's the first guy i dated after divorce. Everyone said he was just my rebound guy...but i knew better than that. I could tell we were in love with each other.

    Anyhow...If you are not happy in your marriage, then do something about it. Leave, or try to make it better with counseling & communication. I would keep the other guy on a long leash...lol.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:57 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • STOP TALKING TO YOUR FORMER BF - invest the time and energy in your marriage. You are not only playing with fire, you could destroy the life that you have. Trust me.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 2:05 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • What about depression? Men get depression more often than anyone knows, and most are too "manly" to admit they don't feel right. They will pull back or lay blame anything so they are not teh one at fault as depression emasculates them. I am married almost 18 yrs and we have 5 beautiful kids but about 3 years ago my husband seems to stop noticing me, I liek you knew he was not cheating, I knew he loved me but he didn't show it and sex was just sex not "love" likeit alwasy had been, we began eto bicker or stupid thnigs an dhe woudl get upset over small issues and he was crabby and unavailable. Finally he cam eto me an dadmitted he did not feel right that he loves me more and more everyday and knew he was hurting me and that was killing him...I made a appointmnet for him to see our doctor he got on a mild anti depressant and oh my gosh a worl of difference! we got him back!
    Happyfamilyof7

    Answer by Happyfamilyof7 at 2:13 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Stop talking to your ex. You chose your husband, you made a commitment for life TO HIM not your ex.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 2:36 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I ran into something like this when i hit a rough patch with my husband and my exbf came into the picture and made all sorts of promises if i left my unhappy marriage.....sounded great at the moment but then had to pull myself back and think to myself the real reality of leaving for my ex...would it really work out? why try to leave my marriage just to find out it wasn't going to work..then I would have shattered my kids' lives twice...so i cut off contact and stayed in my marriage for the long haul and am happy that i stuck to my guns and didn't fall for the exbf's tatics
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:49 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • People don't just fall out of love. If you're not in love with your husband, you never where in the first place. That's not to say that you don't love him, you're just not in love with him. If you want to work things out with him you two need to communicate and maybe go to marriage councelling. Do not persue a new relationship until you and your husband are separated. Believe me, it's a bad idea. Been there, done that. I'm not saying don't talk to your ex, but I am saying don't lead him on either. Either work things out with your husband or split up. That's my advice.
    GenieBean

    Answer by GenieBean at 1:59 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • He was an ex becuase i was 14 when i met him, we have both grown up. We broke up back then cuz we were to young. And i have tried talking to my husband. All the time he says that he is gonna change and i say that im gonna change and do what needs to be done to keep each other happy, but no matter what we do it always goes back to square one again, same old crap just a different day. I cant say that i dont love him because i do. Im just not getting the attiontion i need from him ever!! I have cut all talk with my ex because i thought it was complicating things and it didnt change things at all. ahhh this is so confusing!!!!
    Nicole_06

    Comment by Nicole_06 (original poster) at 2:01 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I really think that jademom hit the nail on the head. If your ex and you weren't talking would you be ready to give up completely on your marriage? I believe that you and your DH are lacking commiucation first of all you and your DH need to lay it all out on the table. Keep your head on your marriage and if it just not fixable then sepreate. Momma you have to remember about the 2 children that you have and what and how will them feel and go though if you and there daddy sepreate. This ex became an EX for a reason. Think about why he is know your EX.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:05 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

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