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Really need some advice from people outside the situation...

Quick back story, supposed bff takes off while husband deployed, finds new boyfriend, takes husband's money, no one hears from her again. Me, my dh, and some of our neighbors go and pack up the house for him since she took all the furniture and trashed the house. All of his stuff is now stored at my house and he wanted a divorce because of all the lies. I get an email from him yesterday saying that we need to stop listening to the rumors and that they are getting back together and that I need to call her. There were no rumors going around, everyone was comparing stories that she had told and realizing nothing matched up. And she has been caught with at least one other guy, not counting the one she's with right now. Am I wrong for not wanting to give her a second chance? If history repeats itself, this will be going on again.

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txmom1021

Asked by txmom1021 at 9:37 AM on Oct. 15, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • I can relate. I have been in a situation with somebody "cut from the same mold." After repeatedly being hurt by this individual I had to cut ties. We hear through the grapevine that she is still up to no good. So sad, because there are kids involved, which by the way have been taken away from her. Does this person tend to lie? Be careful...If it starts affection you and your family it may not be worth it.
    good2me

    Answer by good2me at 9:47 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Maybe he needs an "intervention". Each person should write to him, if he is deployed, and let him know their side of the stories. Let him see the evidence for himself with the letters of facts from his true friends. If he choses to stay with her after that, then at least he knows the truth and is choosing to ignore it. Your responsibility will be done! Good Luck, hopefully he will see the light. Just don't be surprised if he is caught in her web of deception! Love is Blind ya know! take care!
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 10:02 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • That is what worries me. Before she left she had me convinced that I was married to the most horrible man and I had one foot out the door. Once she disappeared, we both realized that we had somethings to work on and our marriage has been the best. She has children and pawns them off on everyone so that she can do what she wants. I don't want to put my children through this again after she promised to them that she would be back with her kids in August. My oldest is very sensitive and it tore her apart when we told her that her best friend wasn't coming back. I think that is my reasoning, to protect my family from this person's lies. I'd rather have no friends then have to deal with that.
    txmom1021

    Answer by txmom1021 at 10:06 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Ppl are not always nice in this world. Many are deceptive and users. It's a good lesson for your children as well. Not all ppl can be trusted to be honest. She broke your trust and hurt you and your children. She doesn't deserve to be put back on her pedestal. You might be cordial to her for his sake. Let him find out what kind of person she really is. Yes, ppl are creatures of habit and will probably repeat her bad behavior. I would let her know in no uncertain terms that her behavior and lies are not acceptable in your eyes. Remind her that you were there and know what happened and nothing can change that you know the truth. Tell her that for his sake you will allow her back in your life on a limited basis and with him here only. Set strong limits and boundaries with her if nothing more to protect your family from emotional harm in the future.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:52 AM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I wouldn't contact her at all...I would contact him. Explain to him that for his sake you will be nice to her, but for the following personal reasons (not pertaining to him) you don't feel comfortable letting her back into your life. I have had to cut people out of my life because they were/are toxic too. I would guess that we all have. If he can't accept that, then thats ok. Do you really want to watch him deal with the same stuff all over again? You can't save everyone.
    lyricsnlaughter

    Answer by lyricsnlaughter at 5:39 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

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