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My son is 14 and has a girlfriend I really think is a bad choice for him, due to her reputation. What should I do?

The girl is very annoying, she has not a lot of manners or respect for me. She hangs all over my son, which I do understand they are teenagers and my son is certainly not complaining, I just don't want to see it, and have asked that they not do it in public. She does not really respect my rules in my house. I have had conversations with Andrew, but he just says I am to judgemental. Hellp

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bmarcotte

Asked by bmarcotte at 6:24 PM on Sep. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Tell him if his GF isn't more respectful towards you and obeys the rules of the house she is no longer welcomed over there and he can't continue to see her. Even though I doubt it would stop them since they will see each other in school and everything.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:26 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Careful using her "reputation' as an excuse (because at first I was going to answer with "first try and get to know her") You are apparantly judging her on very real actions and other than saying, "she can't come over here," he'll still find a way to see her, and at least under your supervision, maybe you'll have some influence...
    stringtheory

    Answer by stringtheory at 6:31 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • it sounds like you are being too judgmental.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 6:31 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • It's your house and you have the authority to enforce the rules of your house. If she can't obey them, she can't be there. Period. And you can keep your son from seeing her out of school hours, but he could still see her then.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:36 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • When my son was 13 or 14 he was hanging out with girls that were 16 & 17 who also had a bad reputations...and when I say reputations I mean they were sleeping with 14 & 15 yr old boys. He was hanging out without my knowledge, the few times I knew I made him come home. They were not allowed in my house and as much as forbid him to see them I know he did because his friends "dated" them. A year and half later, these girls were in a head on car crash leaving two boys for dead on the HWY. My son was in shock at how horrible those girls were. Long story short you don't have to like her, you don't have to agree with his choices and you certainly don't have to allow her in your home or him into her home. Talk to your son tell him why you feel the way you do and don't critize the girl. Your priority is your son and keeping the communication open so he can start learning to make good choices. Keep talking he'll eventually see it.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 7:43 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • Stop being so pushy about it becasue all you are doing is making him want to keep seeing her. Personally, my 14 yr old son would NOT be dating and he would NOT be hanging all over her. NO dating in my house until he is atleast 16. You can talk to him about being respectful and following rules, but it seems like you are being judgemental too. Maybe she wasn't taught proper manners and respect or boundaries, try modeling the behaviors that you would like her to have.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:47 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • I know how hard it is when you are not fond of your child's relationship, but I think there is some truth to the more you show your dislike, the more he will want her. I would start with my son. Open talks about why he is attracted to her. I always made sure to phrase my disapproval as my point of view, not something he or she did to me (i.e. I feel taken advantage of when Suzy leaves her ketchup plate on the floor in front of the TV for me to pick up. Would you like to say something to her or would you like me to?) Usually, he would handle it. I'm a HUGE believer in pick your battles through the teen years so I would make sure it was really important to me, really annoying to me or harmful to my child before I would say anything. I wish the best of luck - the teen years DO get easier.
    MomIWant

    Answer by MomIWant at 8:51 PM on Sep. 9, 2010

  • It's your house, your rules. If she can't be respectful of the rules, then she can't be at your house with your son.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • It is so hard to get teens to respect rules even if they don't agree with them. You may have to threaten to ban her from your house if they continue.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 11:45 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • First the relationship will not last...

    The more of a big deal you make out of it, the more determined they will be to stay together.

    HOWEVER, I would not tolerate being dis-respected in my home.
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 4:38 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

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