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Hove ever felt like you just want out?

My hubby and i dont get along at all, i feel like every conversation ends up in an urguement, i have definatly no feelings for him, we have a daughter together whom he adores. we have a huge argument atleast once a week. we have absolutly nothing in common and due to all this we are not often intimate. He works, spends time with our daughter and takes care of us economicaly. i am so torn and unhappy, am thinking i dont wanna leave him and make my daughter live without her daddy, am olso scared of being by myself( mybe even forever). i married him when i was so young and am terrified of the world out there. I dont wanna try and make it work coz i know deep in my heart it wont work, coz he will never be the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with... i just feel so helpless. he sees that things are not ok btween us, but he pretends like all is well. i cant to him coz it will end up in a huge argument and make things worser.

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ashley387

Asked by ashley387 at 2:05 AM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (209 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • i think we all go through this should i stay or should i go i know through my 31 yrs of marriage i didn't think i could stay with man i did not love but i grew to love him instead of fighting start talking i mean real talking .no helling no swearing no name calling listen hear what he has to say and same for him .it will work and don't stay just because you have a child stay because you know you belong there and yes you can do it alone many woman have
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 2:25 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I'm sorry you feel this way..but this is a common thing. The worst thing you can do is stay together for the child. This will NEVER work and could very well ended up hurting her more then help....I am not going to say leave your husband, so long as he isn't cheating or abusing you, but there must have been something that made you love him at once. A lot of times having a child puts a big strain on a relationship, regardless of how they are with the child. I say at first try to bring back what you once had... Try to do special things together just you and him. Learn to pick your battles, it takes 2 to argue and somethings just aren't worth it... If all else fails, get a job, get an education, and get out.... I hope things work out for the best for you guys... however the outcome may be :)
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 2:27 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • i hear both of you, the thing is am getting tired of trying, we CANNOT communicate, am so mad at him for so many things and as soon as i try talking i get so emotional and he gets so defensive. he has never laid a finger on me nor is he abusive in anyway, we just see things defrenly and he has a temper issue. just for the last four weeks we had a huge argument because he snapped at me when we just having normal conversation, 4 days later snapped at me again, we yelled at each other and spent 4 days in silence, we made up and a week later we had decided to go for dinner with a friend to this new place., we get dressed, get there and the place is packed, there was a waiting time of 30 mins, i and our female friend are cool, he started complaining at the parking lot, i go and reserve a table, he says in rude tone" u guys can go ahead and wait, am going to the car" after half an hour he comes back and is like, " am out of here"cn
    ashley387

    Comment by ashley387 (original poster) at 2:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • i convinced him to stay and he agrees, by this time am so embarasses by his behaviour and am just keeping my cool. we get home and told him i dint like the way he behaved and he apologised, am not accepting his apologies becaouse am getting pretty tired of hearing one after onother every day.
    ashley387

    Comment by ashley387 (original poster) at 2:50 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • WOW! You are right. You can't go on with the frame of mind you are in. Have you taken a vacation by yourself? Or spent any time just doing something for yourself? You need a retreat. Somewhere where you can find yourself again. You have so much anger and are unable to forgive him for anything at this point. Maybe getting into a group that you can talk with others who are going through this. Do you go to church? Maybe seeing a counselor. Its not to say that you are the problem. But you need somewhere to vent, to forgive, to heal. For yourself, for your marriage, and especially for your child. Otherwise, they will follow in your footsteps. Besides, this is no way to live life. Write a letter, just for yourself. list all the things that make you mad. Now burn it up. Take today to do something fun. I mean, even if you have to rent a movie that makes you laugh, rent three. Go be pampered at a spa. Something fun! Do it now
    Prayerpartner

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 3:07 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • You need to separate for a while
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 3:11 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I moved from europe, sold my apartment there to marry and live with him in the US, i would have seperated for a while and see how i feel, if i had a place to go to., prayer patner, thanks for the advise,
    ashley387

    Comment by ashley387 (original poster) at 3:20 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I used to feel this way until I left my husband. We were apart for several years. I was sure it was all him and I was the "good" person. Time taught me that we were equals in the demise of our relationship. I never really loved him for who he was and fought over things that were not worth it. We got back together and I realize he is my very best friend in the world. He's flawed but I just spend my time loving every flawed bone in his body. He is a good person and that is what is most important. No point in focusing on the imperfections and fighting about it.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:19 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Try reading the book "Love and Respect". It was an eye opener for me.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:33 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • It is not good for your daughter to grow up in this situation. It took my husband to go 9hrs awayfor 2wks for us to decide we wanted to work on our relationship or just get out. My son adores my husband too but I was not going to allow us to fight constantly and have my son thinking that is how it is suppose to be.

    If you are positive you two cant work things out, you need to get out now. IMO
    mandynjohnsmom

    Answer by mandynjohnsmom at 11:04 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

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