Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

How can I help my grandson who's mom is rejecting him?

My grandson's mon is rejecting her son because she'd rather party with her friends. She drops him off. He crys in the night for her. When he talks with her on the phone she tells him she can't be with him. She yells and is mean to him. I'm thankful he's with us now, but no matter how loving we are, he wants to be with her. Now he's starting to have anger issues because's he's only three and doesn't understand. There is nothing stronger than a bond between a mother and son. I don't want to come between them. I just want to help him.

Answer Question

Asked by Prayerpartner at 2:12 AM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Aww, this kind of thing makes me so sad. Some people take having children for granted. I would just love him so much extra... and if possible, don't let her have him back.. she doesn't deserve him. I know that's his mother but that doesn't make her whats best for him. It's not coming in between them, it's what doing what's best for the child, and that should be the #1 thing. I would also let her know about herself. She is an adult, not some little teenager. She has responsibilites and needs to grow up. That baby didn't ask to be here.

    You are so great for what you are doing!! He doesn't understand now, but he will once he is older.

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 2:38 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Auuuhhhh, thanks for that! I've spoken with the mother. Its hard right now. She watched her husband kill himself. I know she is hurting. But taking it out on her son is not the answer. Running for the situation into drugs isn't the answer either. I know she is reminded of him every time she sees her son. I just wish I could do something to help her. She is like a train waiting to wreck. She OD this past winter. I thought it would be a wake up call. But she managed to go right back into the pit. All's I can do is be here for her and care for my grandson. In time I know we'll all heal. Its just the process going through it to heal...

    Comment by Prayerpartner (original poster) at 2:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Aw, I am really sorry. But the fact she is doing drugs, I feel no sympathy. She is going to destory herself and everything/one around her. She needs help, medical help. Have you tried talking to her about it? You need to let her know what she is doing is just a quick fix and in the end of it all, if she even makes it out she will be far worse off then when she started. Running away doesn't fix anything, neither does pretending there isn't a problem....

    She is "grown" so there isn't much you can do. She is going to make her own decisions. The best thing you can do for her is just give her love and offer to help anyway you can (therapy, drug treatment program)

    I've dealt with a similar situation. My younger sister (who is 21, I am 22) got hooked on hard drugs when she was a bit younger. She OD'd and almost died 3 times. It was very hard for me. She had one young child at the time whom I was taking care of.. cont.

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 2:56 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • cont.

    I was only 18 with a newborn of my own and a deployed husband. She was in a horrible downward spiral and wanted to no help. Probably one of the hardest times I will ever encounter in my life. I just continued to offer her help over and over and tried to show her the path she was on. Luckily, she was able to see it through (IMO ONLY by the grace of GOD) and she got clean and got her life back on track. I have since then given her daughter back to her an she was blessed with a little boy. I am scared that she might fall back into that, but I just continue to pray and pray. That's about all someone can do in that situation...

    I really do think it's such a great thing what you are doing. It seems you are all the child has right now and not having a mom or dad around he needs that the most. It's going to be tough and you will feel helpless at times but don't give up... things WILL get better, with or without her....

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 3:02 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Also, have you thought about putting him in any kind of counseling? I know he is young (My son is 3 1/2) but they know and understand a lot more then what a lot of people give credit for.. it could be a way to channel out his feelings...

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 3:10 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I agree with doing through therapy for him there are alot out there that can help. Also just be the loving grandparents he needs right now it will pay off in the end. I couldn't image being 3 and having my mother pretty much reject me. Hell I left today for 30 minutes to get a hair cut and when I came back my 3 year old jumped in my arms and wouldn't let me put him down for quiet sometime.

    Answer by whoreallycares at 4:11 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • By being a consistent and reliable presence in his life, by teaching him good behaviors, by letting him know that you love him.

    Answer by justnancyb at 7:56 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • your doing the best thing for him, and since hes so young he doesnt releize it yet. i would continue what your doing and just explain to him that mommy cant be here but that you are.

    Answer by tonyalynn at 10:36 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Im so sorry but you are doing the best thing for him. Be there for him like you are. She will realize one day when he calls you mommy and not her.

    Answer by sstepph at 12:42 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • That has to be really hard. He is lucky to have you. Just love on him and tell him you are always there for him. Hopefully his mother will grow up.

    Answer by KTMOM at 3:02 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.