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A little hurt adult content

Does anyone's husband call them hurtful names? Today my husband and I got into anothe big fight. He called me an asshole and a douchebag. I am really hurt. He told me that I only married him for a roommate to pay rent and that I don't know how to treat anyone. This has really hurt me. I don'thave anyone to talk to about this. He said I don't make any effort to talk to him but I don't cause it seems like he takes things I say the worng way and then yells at me. He says all I think about is myself which isn't true at all. I care more for him and the girls and I always put them first. I don't know what to do. I try my hardest and I am just recently on new meds to help with my axiety and him yelling at me doesn't help at all. We have been married for 6 years and I don't know how much more I can take of the yelling and the name calling.

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mommyjones

Asked by mommyjones at 9:43 AM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (84 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • my husband used to be like that towards me. until i got a littlebit of a back bone and started yelling back. I started treaing him the way he was treating me. and I tell you what... that man now helps me around the house, he is supportive of me, and he treats me better, we still have issues yes, but it's alot better then it was
    MsLouLou

    Answer by MsLouLou at 9:45 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Would he go to counseling? Im sure there are alot of things going on in your relationship. Not communicating, past hurts, not helping eachother out., resentments. So many things can cause people to be snappy. It would be nice if you guys could work on your relationship and have timeto enjoy eachothers company. I'm sorry you are going thru this. The name calling would hurt.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 9:46 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • this doesn't sound good, I'm really sorry! The only advice I can say is to maybe try marriage counseling if you want to stay with him...there has to be more underlying problems to your marriage, people just don't start yelling at each other and calling names
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 9:46 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • The name calling is unacceptable. In relationships you expect that there will be ups and downs, but you dont' treat each other like crap when they need to discuss an issue. I wish you luck, but mine never calls me names like that unless I truly deserve for being a b&^%#.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:46 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • thats horrible but i was there with my ex he called me all kinds of names and all we did was fight and such its hard real hard
    echokays

    Answer by echokays at 9:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I've been through it. It's because you quit communicating in any productive way. Both of you have gotten into the habit of name calling, making everything a fight and he isn't understanding what you are trying to tell him because he doesn't know how, he has never learned the art of listening and doesn't realize that women and men think differently. Seriously think about marriage counseling and also personal therapy for yourself. It saved my marriage and we get along so much better now. We still have arguments but now only over very major things and we don't resort to name calling or yelling. Best of luck to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • My husband never calls me hurtful names, even when I am being a complete witch to him! I definitely would recommend some marital counseling - calling names is childish and doesn't help a situation, both of you need to learn to communicate in effective ways.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:49 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • no... that's really not cool...
    I would ask him to explain what it is that you are doing/not doing that makes him feel like you don't care... ask him when neither of you is upset.... see if showing that you are willing to listen to him helps.
    some people yell because they think that is the only way that they will get heard... because of how they grew up or whatever... give him a chance to talk without saying anything or contradicting what he's saying, try not to get defensive. just listen to what he has to say and I bet once its off his chest he will calm down. Once listening becomes a habit for you, he will be able to let down his defenses enough to listen to what you have to say too.
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 9:49 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Imagine these statements:
    I feel like you only married me to get a roommate to help pay the rent
    It doesn't seem to me that you make any effort to talk to me anymore
    I think that all you do is think about yourself

    In those statements, you hear how he feels. He's not saying any of it in a positive way, he's being accusing. But if you step back away from the accusations, you can see what he is telling you. He's saying it all wrong, but the message is there.

    Name-calling is verbal abuse and should be off-limits. Yelling is caused by frustration and anger, but is intimidation and is not acceptable either. The two of you need to discuss communication and decide to find better ways for him to feel heard and for you to feel less anxious - and may need help doing this. You might want to consider couples counseling - although it won't work unless both of you are seriously ready and willing to work together for positive change.
    jinxandjoy

    Answer by jinxandjoy at 9:49 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Nope, never. We've been married for 6 years and he's never called me a derogatory name.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 10:03 AM on Sep. 10, 2010

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