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My 4 year old boy is being defiant what can i do?

My son is 4 years old I have tried everything to get him to stop hitting kids at school, to stop spitting, running away from his teachers and to stop telling them no when they try and correct him. We have tried a lot of things and none of them work. My son was kicked out of a daycare center and I was told come September in another he would be asked to leave. What can my husband I try that might get some results?

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Asked by Harlymae at 5:25 PM on Oct. 15, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (8)
  • Have you tried any good old fashioned spankings?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • yes we have tried spankings, corners,time outs, everything.

    Answer by Harlymae at 5:44 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Goodness, my little man is the same way. Only in public he acts like a saint! LOL.
    We have been stepping it up here. He is forced to go to his room until he can talk calmly, quite screaming or anything else that he is doing to act out. The minute he starts I tell him "go to your room and don't come out until you have a smile on your face." Sounds crazy, but in 3 LONG months he is doing MUCH better. Now, the minute he's throwing a fit or getting defiant, before I have the chance to finish my sentence, he's in his room and he comes out about 5 minutes later with a smile.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 6:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Part 2.....

    As far as hitting, you cannot combat aggression with aggression. I'm in NO WAY against spanking, don't get me wrong. But all that teaches is that if you can hit so can he. Just send him to his room and take away priviledges. Like tv or something he LOVES.

    The main thing is consistency. Stick to a plan and don't waiver NO MATTER what. He is pushing limits and he will continue as long as he can get away with it. The more consistent the sooner he will realize that he's not getting away with it.

    Good luck!

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 6:07 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Thanks we will keep working with him. His teachers suggested to take 5 cloths pins and put them on his cloths and when he acts up they will remove one cloths pin. If he has one left at the end of the day he gets a sticker. I am going to carry this over to home also. If by bed time he has a cloths pin left he will get a star then a reward thanks for the thoughts and hopefully something gets though to him. I welcome all the thoughts and ideas you all have.

    Answer by Harlymae at 6:14 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Welcome to the world of ramboncious boys... My son was a carbon copy of your description... First I would recommend a child psychologist. We did this with our son and it worked wonders, for both us and him. We learned about interacting with a defiant boy, and he learned how to communicate instead of using defiance and aggression. Also, you may want to have him evaluated for ADHD - these are classic symptoms when boys are at this age, that is how we found out our son has ADHD. Also, watch his diet, if he is eating a lot of crap (junk food, processed foods) this heightens these types of behaviors, stick with fresh products, fruits/veggies. I will run out of space to share more, send me a message, I will share our experiences.


    Answer by AndreaRUJuiced at 6:15 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I made tickets on the computer with a happy face on one half and a sad face on the other. At the end of the day, the teacher would either circle the happy face or the sad face with the description of the "naughty" behavior. At first (two weeks), he was rewarded for each good ticket (stickers, special video) and had privileges revoked for each naughty (no tv, no bike) and did not get the privilege back until he brought home a "good" ticket. After two weeks, the rewards got bigger (dinner out, family activity of his choice, things we all really wanted to do but his old behavior would make unbearable), but he had to bring home 4 out of 5 days good tickets. The penalties for "naughty" behavior stayed the same.
    All his teacher would need to do is ask "Do you want a good boy ticket today?" and he would straighten right up.  Kind of a varient on the clothes pins, but the teacher doesn't have to chase him down to get it ;o)

    Answer by MomOfDoubleJs at 7:29 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I will keep working with him and let you guys know what worked with him and what didn't Sometimes it is great knowing that I am not the only parent out there with a little one that acts up. I know many families have kids that you just want to put into a Velcro suit and stick them on the wall for hours. Thank you all again the the ideas.

    Answer by Harlymae at 7:37 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

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