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5 Bumps

issues with hubby's ex-wife

What would you do in this situation? My hubby's ex-wife who is the mother of my two step children calls about once a week now she was calling everyday and then b4 her routine would be to call once a month to once every 6 months. She does have visitation rights but b/c she moved out of the state we were living in and now lives all the way across the county from us she has not been able to see them since Dec 2008. We do not let them talk to her b/c she is crazy she has been in a looney bin and she tries to tell them stuff to turn them against us. My step son is my hubby's stepson as well. My husband has custody of both of the children. If you were in my spot would you let them talk to her. I know she is their mother and she has rights.

 
sweet_mamaof3

Asked by sweet_mamaof3 at 1:45 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 13 (1,071 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • And don't let anyone tell you you have no rights because you are their "stepmother." You are the woman raising them, she was the one who walked away. You have every right to protect them as you see fit.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:55 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Yes, you should let them talk to her. They will hold it against you when they're older, and I don't think that's a position you want to be in. Also she could get an attorney and take you to court and tell the judge that you have kept her from speaking to them. That won't look good for you. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't want to have them fulltime, but she still is their Mom, and for the kids it's important to let them have contact. Tell them if they want to they can, if they choose not to, then it's not on you.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 1:51 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • No. Not until she acts like a mother should act. Just because she is a mother doesn't mean she has rights and depending on their ages they may not even remember her.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:53 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • No I would not let them talk to her. Sounds like you are doing pretty good raising them and if she moved far away from them she doesn't really want to see them anyway. My mother was a drug addict who only saw my brother and I when it was convenient for her and my father was an alcoholic so my grandmother raised us and I am glad they are not a big part of my life, they just bring me down everythime I try to have a relationship with either of them.
    desisue0131

    Answer by desisue0131 at 1:50 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Hi there; Gosh ex-wives seem to have the run of things don't they??
    I would probably first sit and talk to the hubby as to how he feels about it---were the children ever close to the mother when they were together? Were there pre-crazy years that were good?
    If the children are old enough I would sit down together with the dad and ask the children if they would like to talk to their mother, and if they miss her. If they have upset feelings at dealing with her, than maybe suggest she communicate by writing for now---and you or your husband read the email or letter before giving it to the children. You want them to be protected, so it is "Big Brother Watching".

    If the children want to talk to her, then I might agree to limited conversations that are monitored by either you or your husband on another line for 5-10 min. As soon as anything negative comes up I would say it's time to hang-up. Good luck! at least you're trying.
    Wendy580

    Answer by Wendy580 at 1:52 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • If she still has rights to the children you can't stop it. You have to have faith that the children will be understanding of their mother.... If she wants to talk to them let them talk to her. Shes trying... Dont complain... Now if shes being a utter bitch, have hubby talk to her. I think sometimes up if he got custody of his stepson, maybe you guys should try for FULL Custody
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 4:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • yes i would let them talk to her. she IS their mother and she does have rights toward them. however, i would have a talk with the kids to explain how she is, but not in a bashing way. the kids have a right to know & have a relationship with their birthmother. no offense, but you're a stepmother & you don't have the authority to decide whether or not they can talk to her or not. that's up to their father.
    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 1:51 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • As long as she had the right to, and the children wanted to talk to her too..yes, I would let them talk with her. If its something they want to do and you keep them from it, no matter what she does...the kids may hold a grudge against you for not allowing them to speak to thier mother.
    Good Luck. Doesnt sound like a great situation and it must be a tough one for all of you to deal with.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:55 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • If she has visitation rights you have to abide by the court order. If you choose to disobey the court order the state will step in and remove the children. You don't get to enforce your own opinion on this one, unfortunately.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 2:37 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • @rAbella It was not my decision not to let her talk to them it was my husband and I supported it. my step son was 4 and my step daughter was 10 months old when I came into their lives. I have explained to them that she loves them in her own way and I do not bash her at all. I do not believe in doing something like that.
    sweet_mamaof3

    Comment by sweet_mamaof3 (original poster) at 4:20 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

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