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2 Bumps

Why is is that women sometimes feel that they have an adult content

obligation to have sex?

Are we subconsciously raised to obey sex drives of men?

Is it a fear that the man will look elsewhere?

I just don't see why some of us feel like we have to cause we are supposed to.
I have a ling history of sexual assault and abuse.... I feel sometimes that I have sex because I know that is what I am supposed to do with my husband. I love my husband very much and he is my life, it is just that I don't have that kind of sex drive. He is 22 years older than me and has a better sex drive. I get so frustrated. I mean he understands all of this but I feel like I should but I mean he knew all this when he married me, so I also feel like you get what you sign up for..... right?

What about you?


Asked by agriffinmom4 at 2:35 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (4,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I do not feel obligated to have sex. However, if my husband wants sex, and I am not really "there," I generally have sex anyway. Not because I feel obligated, but because it makes me happy to make him happy. :)

    Answer by WomanWitty at 3:28 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Being in a marriage sometimes there is give and take. There are times Sex is the furthest from my desires at that moment. But I can tell when it is something my husband is very much in need of, the intimacy, the passion. so i make a mental choice to get my groove on.

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 2:38 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Because of society put it in our heads. If I dot want to have sex then the person I'm with should respect that, and if not it's not much or a relationship if you can't respect one another. Most men are freaking horn dogs and always want sex at the wore times.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:40 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • i hear what your saying. me and my SO have been fighting alot latley because he pressures me to have sex with him too much, and i dont think i should have to have sex with him every single time or 4 times a friggin day.. but to an extent, you kind of are there to fill eachothers needs and i know theres been times where i wanted sex and he was too tired or whatever and its frustrating so i dont want to do that to him too much but then sometimes they need to understand our needs so i think there are going to be times where i have sex when i dont really want too and where he doesnt get sex when he wants.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:38 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • The age gap may be the reason and you just haven't realized it yet... My Hubby and I are close in age, 3 yrs apart, and have an equal sex drive. I felt like through the baby years it was lower, and then once I knew we were finished having babies, it became stronger. Your Hubby is probably is at the point in his life where his stress levels are lower, and then you're still alot younger, and more stressed. Just what I got from your post, I could be way off!! Sorry if my answer was useless.. It's all I can think of.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 2:39 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Oh and I love being intimate with my Hubby, it would be weird if we didn't on a regular basis, and I NEVER feel obligated.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 2:41 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I don't feel obligated unless it has been a long time and I still don't feel like it. But, it is my job to keep him happy and it is his job to keep me happy. NTM, I like having sex with my husband. Marriage is give and take. I give, he takes!!! j/k

    Answer by matthewscandi at 2:43 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I swear did I post this question in my sleep? Because you have just described everything I am going through in my marrage when it comes to sex. My DH is 20 years older than me and his sex drive is way better than mine, I feel like I have to give in because I'm afraid he will go elsewhere. I don't give in as much as he would like but I make up for it. But I also was sexually abused so sex to me is more of a chore.

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 2:43 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I don't understand why people get into relationships with partners who are such crap at the performance that women don't want to play anymore. Remember when sex was fun? Pleasure? Something any sane person would actually choose to do with 10 minutes?

    I can't imagine any sane woman saying to her husband: oh, no, honey, I don't feel like you doing all the dishes and the laundry today, maybe next week, k?

    But they say that about a full-body massage, a moment of exquisite pleasure, a little gentle exercise and deep appreciation of their beloved.

    I want sex for me. I have noticed that the more often I do it, the more often I want to, and the more I enjoy it... I've never felt I was 'putting out' certainly not to get anything or in trade for anything... no obligation involved.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:45 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • he just wants to feel love and men feel love through sex. is it so bad that he wants to feel love from you? i wouldn't say give him sex all the time he wants it but if you love him show him you do and (love/sex) him up. this is why i sometimes give my hubby sex when i don't want to cause i love him. i feel for him when you say he knew what he was signing up for....really, did he know that was your level of love for him. i seriously doubt it. poor guy.

    also i understand you back ground. i have been there but through therapy i can see why and look at sex differently now. sex is very important to men. we love through our emotional state they love through physical state. being intimate through our hearts and minds work for us for them it's not the same. show your poor hubby some lovin.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:48 PM on Sep. 10, 2010