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Are women setting their marriages up for failure?

In a poll I looked at today a couple of women said that married women "should prepare to be single moms" and "find themselves through divorce."

I find this disheartening. How can your marriage be strong if you accept the possibility of divorce? How can your marriage survive if you are already planning on being divorced?

I am a SAHM who recently started college. My DH makes all of our money. I haven't worked since my daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. I've made ZERO dollars this year just so you understand. I rely on my DH to provide for us until I get through school and can contribute to our income. Some call this nieve but I don't think trusting my DH and allowing him to provide for my family is nieve.

Does anyone else agree? Aren't women setting their marriages up for failure by preparing themselves for divorce?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Oct. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i think a lot of women have. i see all the time on here. especially with young mothers. also i see that they pick cheaters and guys that are into drugs. not willing to work and support them. also lots of women whining cause their bf or husbands are arguing etc. marriages are hard work sometimes and sometimes it's really great. i have to admit when i read a question should i leave cause my hubby cheated or he doesn't give me enough attention. i think to myself " well you picked him and now your married stick it out" heck i made sure that i had in mind what kind of husband i wanted for my children and for myself. he had to improve on some things in order for me to marry him and he did. i know we are committed 100% to each other and having laid ground rules or expectations before we got married really helped us all. we are forever in eternity married to each other. divorce should always be your last option.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:38 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I'm in the same boat. I haven't worked or made any money in a year and I'm starting collage too. I really love my husband for taking care of us but sometimes I do feel a bit guilty for spending money I didn't make. I try never to think of us getting divorced even tho sometimes when we fight he threatens it and my heart just breaks. I plan on being with him forever but I do know the possibility of it happening is always there. I just hope it never happens. I dont think I'm setting myself up but I guess I just dont want to be taken by surprise. Does thst make any since?
    JoonBug21

    Answer by JoonBug21 at 6:40 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I agree with you. If you can not trust your dh to take care of you then why marry?!
    missamerica1

    Answer by missamerica1 at 6:40 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • yes i do like my husband said. "why help someone if they dont want to be helped" when you go into marriage you dont think of divorce you think of a lifetime full of commitment and love to outlast any barricade.now if you think of divorce then you are not allowing your marriage to have a chance.
    rosepetalluv

    Answer by rosepetalluv at 6:42 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • yes, I do think they are. When I entered my marriage, I had prepared for the possibility, BUT Ive spent this last year preparing for EVER. There were plenty of times where I coud've walked away, but hard work and compromise, from me AND him have kept us together. It's never like the movies. Thats what alot of women think though. We have to get past that mentality
    bvona

    Answer by bvona at 6:44 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • Nope. Not at all naive. I was a SAHM for 15 years. I was very lucky to be able to stay home and occasionally work part time to contribute. It was a nice life. I now work full time for decent money and I will be supporting my hub when he retires from the military and will quite happily do so.

    I never entertained the thought of divorce because I'm stubborn. LOL
    SkyeGirl

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 6:46 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I am not going to prepare for divorce. I intend on making through the good and the bad. I want to grow old with my husband and laugh at our kids when they go through the same things that we did when they were kids. I do think it is too easy to just get divorced and go on with your life as if you were never married.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:53 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • When you marry it is in sickness and in health , for richer or poorer, till death due us part. Wake up women. How can you break up so easily. Come on. It is too easy now with divorce lawyers. Step this and step that.. Take accountability and stop stressing over bs and hanging out with the opposite sex. Accidents happen but to keep on making the same mistakes come on, we are not in high school anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • It all depends on what is important to you and who you are married to. I would love to stay at home and have my husband pay all of the bills. I would enjoy being a traditional SAHM and to go back to school also. Fact is, my husband doesn't make enough money and I have the potential to make more than he does. I also don't trust him to manage the finances the way we need to 100% of the time. I don't plan for divorce. I plan for independance financially at retirement. It may be a bit sad but sometimes, the truth is. At the same time, it gives me what I need to live my life the way I choose to and not to depend on him for everything, I think he prefers it that way and that is really what my decision stems from.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:08 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

  • I agree with that alot of women & men go into a marriage with if it doesn't work than we divorce. I don't beleive in that. We really don't believe in divorce. I feel once your married your always married to that person. When I stood in the Lord's house and promised to love my husband forever I really meant it. It drives me nuts when people divorce I hate having to eaplainit to my children. People stop loving each other. Ther next question is alway will you stop loving us? Or Daddy it's a sad thing.
    mothermayiam

    Answer by mothermayiam at 10:01 PM on Oct. 15, 2008

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