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Is this rude?

My boyfriend recently was promoted at work (roughly 2 and a half months agao). He works at a retail store overseeing 4 departments, and is, to rightly say, overwhelmed. He's not very affectionate with me, is always stressed out...I try to motivate him, and help him relax, I don't initiate any kind of sexual activity because he's never in the mood for it..I'm respecting his boundaries...and all he ever wants to do is relax. Yesterday, he said the reason we don't go out on dates like we used to is because he's always tired and doesn't feel like driving around town all night using gas he doesn't have ( between bills, etc. ) money is very tight. Do you think that was rude for him to say? I don't know how to help him destress either...he just doesn't seem to want to be helped, by anyone.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • i don't think that was rude. in fact i have said almost the same thing with my hubby is and is why we rarely went out on date nights. lately i have said screw it and we go out but i still try to keep it cheap. maybe you could you pay his gas and just have a very short date night out.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:56 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • No I don't think it was rude. It does sound like he's stressed out about work and bills. Maybe have someone watch the kids one night and make him a nice dinner indoors, just the two of you.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:56 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • That's a good idea:).

    Answer by countrygirl1987 at 2:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • why not surprise him with a nice romantic dinner (without your kid/s) so you two can relax together.... I'm sorry your going through this but there is stuff to do that doesn't involve going out... GL!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 2:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I don't think it was rude - it was honest. And I don't know your boyfriend but some people de-stress best by being alone and having quiet time, not by having someone in their face trying to cheer them up. I know I am like that. It's up to him to figure out how to improve his life - that's not really something you can do for him. Sorry hon :(

    Answer by getrealmama at 2:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • i don't think that was rude. more "informational" i guess. i would just give him his space for now and if it continues to be a problem, be sure to address it. if all he wants to do is relax. why can't you relax with him. watch a movie on the couch together. get him a drink & pamper him for a while. see if that helps. if you want him to make an effort, you'll need to make one too.

    Answer by rAbella at 2:59 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Oh, trust me, I do. We relax together( watch movies, tv, I'll read while he checks email or writes) offer to take him out to lunch since he's short on money. We haven't gone out on a date since his promotion. We'll usually go out to eat, and then come back to my house an hour later (we aren't living together at the moment). I've even told him as recently as yesterday that if he wants to relax alone, he's welcome too...but he said that's not necessary. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals, because he says he wants to be alone to have time to relax to himself, but he doesn't do it.

    Answer by countrygirl1987 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • He probably feels guilty for wanting time alone, so he doesn't do it as much as he would like. It sounds like he really needs time alone but doesn't want you to take it personally, which I think you are doing :) Please try to just hang back and let him do his thing, perhaps go pursue a hobby of your own for a while. Nagging him about going on dates, etc are just going to stress him out more. Instead of taking him out on a date - pick a night where you might normally hang out, and tell him you want him to stay home and get some rest. I bet you he would be relieved that you gave him permission to recharge his batteries a little.

    Answer by getrealmama at 3:10 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • No, I don't find that rude at all.

    Answer by caseyandkids at 3:11 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • No I don't think it was rude.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 3:11 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

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