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general rules of custody

we are NOT married
child is three
we live in his house

If I leave with our child and move hour away, will he have the upper hand because I have taken her out of her home and school, school just started

any help would be appreciated

no, i do not have lawyer, nor any money for one, i have called abuse center-no legal advice, he had not hit me=no abuse in their eyes

I would have to move in with my mother because no money


Asked by fiatpax at 2:54 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Oh, and I don't think school is an issue as the child is only 3, if the child was 14 and his/her whole life was being uprooted, maybe, but at 3 its not an issue at all. Good luck. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm a step mom and know my fair share of this stuff.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:08 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Are you moving out of state? That may be an issue, but if its in state, I don't think so. You should have joint custody with the child's primary residence being your. You have care and control, but decisions regarding care, education and medical treatment should be joint. He should provide the child with medical insurance and pay you child support. He would probably get standard visitation, one overnight per week and every other weekend. Holidays would be split, something like you get mother's day, he gets father's day, you alternate the child's b-day each year. Either alternate Easter and Thanksgiving or each pick one, x-mas you'd likely get x-mas even until noon or so on x-mas day. He should, in addition to child support, pay 50% of child care if you are working full time. You should also hash out something fair regarding extra curricular activities, which may not be an issue now....cont....

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:04 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • ...but will be an issue once they are in grade, dance, baseball, whatever, plus equipment, gets expensive. Also, make sure if you have some agreement, he should pay 50% of college costs. You really really really need a lawyer though, or you could be screwed for the next 20 years. Its easy when they are 3, but it gets complicated when they get older. Also, in my state, child support goes until 22 years old, NOT 18. You need to do some research, and again, if you can scrounge any money or borrow or whatever, you really really really should get a lawyer.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:06 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • not sure what you mean by upper hand. if your not married and you leave you have every right to leave with your child. he would have to prove dna of this child and so would you if you wanted child support. the mother always gets the child unless he could prove that you are the worst mother ever and they would only consider things like sexual abuse or drug use or harm that was directly done by you to said child. the child always goes with mother especially when not married. he would only be entitled to visitation (after dna proven) not joint custody. at least that is true here in my state.

    Answer by melody77 at 3:00 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • He would still legally be obligated to custody unless the abuse is towrds the child. If it is then call the cops, get a restraining order against him (if there has been domestic abuse do this also) and then he will not be permitted to see the child.

    If there has been no abuse or bad actions then I would recommend a setting either 6 months with one parent and 6 months with the other; or where the child goes to father every other weekend so not to disrupt schooling.

    As far as the taking them out of the new school and such, those things happen all the time and you will not be looked down upon by anyone for that (judges and such will not be swayed by that if it is brought up). Especially if you are bettering the life of the child.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Memigen at 3:04 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I agree with what melody said as well.

    You can get a free DNA test if you file for child support through child support enforcement.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • In Indiana as it is in most states if not married the woman has sole custody until a court hearing where paternity can be established. If you up and leave depending on where you go (whether you stay in state or move out) you should be able to file for custody then if you wish to. Are you wanting sole custody or do you want him to have visitations or joint custody. Be careful with Joint if you go that route and decide down the road (if you live in same state) you want to will be hard b/c then you will have to go back to court! I am getting ready to go back to court since I will be moving out of state in about 6 or 7 months. I gave my sons dad joint custody and my b/f is stationed in Afghanistan right now but will be stationed out of Ft.Campbell when he comes home. Good luck!!

    Answer by londonsmommy27 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • One last he a good father? I'm getting the idea he's a terrible boyfriend, but a terrible boyfriend does not automatically mean he's a terrible father. If he is a good father, you really need to love your child more than you hate him, meaning, doing your best to be fair and keep this man in your child's life is the best thing you can do for your child. Again, assuming he's not abusing the child, etc. This is the hardest part, IMO, but most important.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:11 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • he IS on birth certificate
    does this matter
    I have been a fine mom
    she has autism, i am at every appt, therapy seesion etc
    he has not-although he does work full time
    I do not have a lot of proof that he is not a grat father EXCEPT my journal

    so i can leave take out child out of her home and relocate without her fathers approval

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • well it depends in a lot os reasons is he a good dad or are you leaving for no reason or somthing? but mostlikely you would have custody of your son because you guys are not married but if he fights for it he can ask for some day or even full custody of your son since he is the father did he sight that paternity paper they give you in the hospital? you would need to try and talk to someone. and well maybe you guys can comew to an agrement if he is a good father an you dont want to be with him because of roblem in betwen you guys well i think your son has to see him he is the father adn yoru son deserves to have one if he is a good father yo can tlak to him and tell him you dont wan to be with him anymore but want to work something out so your son can see and spend time with him.

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 3:15 PM on Sep. 10, 2010