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Can you answer a sexuall question if you.... adult content

Have grown up in a cookie cutter where love is all you need to be happy and you have never been sexually abused?
I have love for my husband and he is my everything my life my breath etc. However, there are things in my past there are horrible. To sit and say you feel sorry for him cause I say he got what he signed up for that is crazy. He is my EVERYTHING! He did know what I had been through and he had been with me through some of the instances and supported my through it. Before we were married! I did not withhold any information about me from him. I have been in constant assault since I was 11 1/2 years old. Not by him never but by others. I cant imagine why you would say that that is only how much aka the extent of my love for him! I would die for him! That said I would do anything for him, but sex is not on the top of my list!!!

 
agriffinmom4

Asked by agriffinmom4 at 3:41 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (4,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Let me add, not everyone that has been sexually abused can handle it in the same manner. And to expect everyone else to handle it as well as you have, that's unrealistic. :)

    Maybe just giving him some sex isn't always just that easy.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:56 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I am not sure what your question is?
    countryhotmama

    Answer by countryhotmama at 3:45 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • confused?
    who is saying these things to you and him??

    is this from another question?

    past abuse does not mean you can not love him? I am confused on this question by who is saying this to you
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:46 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • ok... i'm not sure i'm understanding... you're withholding sex from him or is it that there's something he wants to try and you're not comfortable with it?
    jolee0222

    Answer by jolee0222 at 3:46 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Some people are in the frame of mind that a wife should always have sex with her husband, no matter what. Some people don't understand, and just can't even try to understand, what others have gone through. I don't think it was said in a hurtful manner, even though it was taken that way. Your reality and the reality of the gal that said that, it's not the same reality. That's all. But what was said hurt you, and for that, I'm sorry. Even though I didn't say it.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:53 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I don't know I understand where that comes from, my abuse effected me diffrently to witch I went threw a sage of excuse me but I was a whore, Anywho, my friend is like you she doesn't want so what she choose to try with her husband is to take it slow start trying to have sex, kiss began then when it becomes overwhelming stop on you're terms when you get to the point you're ready and in the middle you want to stop // STOP on youre terms and he has to respect you boundries and not try to keep going even if it is in a romantic way
    CLS_m2b

    Answer by CLS_m2b at 4:27 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • IT IS IN EXTENSION OF AN ANSWER FROM ANOTHER QUESTION
    agriffinmom4

    Comment by agriffinmom4 (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • he is not the one who hurt you and his wanting to have sex with you is just cause he loves you so much and wants to be close to you. i still say i feel sorry for him i'm not taking that back but i also want to say i feel sorry for you that this amazing intimacy is not happening between the 2 of you. it's not without him trying but you not being able to heal from your past. that really sucks

    keep your non knowing answers to yourself. If you have not been through this then how could you possibly have a reasonable answer? butt hurt you also stated..? So what if I am I do go to therapy, my body is mine and I have been recently been getting to this place where I can actually say this! MY BODY IS MY OWN BODY NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FROM ME! that is what she told me to say
    agriffinmom4

    Comment by agriffinmom4 (original poster) at 4:18 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Maybe it is amazing for you cause you got to have sex when you wanted to. My dignity was stolen from me! Like what I have been through is run of the mill! Perhaps you have never been hurt in your life, but I have been through enough for you and me. Things like this that I have been through I would never wish upon another woman! You might be able to logically say that "I am acting like a child." (that is not a quote of what you have said it is the impression you give off) If you have bee through this. I pray that you never have to go through what me and so many other women have. Maybe you are just a "stronger" person than I am.... I feel like you are trying to impose a fight on me though and this is the last response that I am going to give you. Yes I did get "BUTT HURT" that is cause you are insulting my intelligence and relationship. The scars will never go away ever......
    agriffinmom4

    Comment by agriffinmom4 (original poster) at 4:27 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • One reason why I'm not always so quick to push therapy is because I know it doesn't always work. It won't work if you aren't open to it. If you are just now open to talking about it, then you aren't ready for therapy. And, it takes time to find a good therapist, one that is good for you. It's not fair for someone to say that you should act or feel a certain way when you have gone through something like this. Even if they have been through the same thing. Simply because everyone's experience is different. And everyone's reaction is different, everyone has different coping skills. I hope your husband understands this. Therapy is always an option for HIM. So he can learn coping skills, so he can understand how to deal with things. So he can learn ways to help you overcome things. Just because you aren't ready to go, or don't want to (I completely understand this), it's still and option for him.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:55 PM on Sep. 10, 2010