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4 Bumps

I'm offending my future in-laws and pissing off my fiance but I just don't feel comfortable!

My fiance and I have a 1 year old son together. My son is a BIG momma's boy and is even uneasy when he's alone with his dad sometimes. The only people that have ever babysat my son for long amounts of time, has been my parents. They are very cautious and make sure he doesn't get into anything that he can hurt himself with. They are also very gentle and calm with him. All these reasons and many more is why I feel most comfortable letting them watch my son. My future in-laws on the other hand, are very different. For my son's first 8 months of life, he HATED my in-laws. Wouldn't let them hold him or even be around him for very long. Reason being, they are very rough with him, and have been since he was a newborn. They were also out of town for most of the winter so my son doesn't know them nearly as well as he knows my parents. The few times they've watched him, my son has cried the whole time we were gone. Also, contd...

 
Ash9724

Asked by Ash9724 at 5:59 PM on Sep. 10, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 21 (11,107 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Sell the tickets to someone who really wants them. Stay with your baby. They will get over it. However you should talk to your hubby about your feelings. Then if he wants to talk to his parents he can. You should not have to feel uncomfortable for their sake.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 6:09 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I'm weary about who I let watch my children too. If thats the way you feel, thats the way you feel.
    I would just reccomend ..just to keep the family peace...that maybe next time, you tell a white lie rather than blunly telling them you don't feel comfortable watching them,lol.
    I've had to do it..to spare peoples feelings and to spare my own grief.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 6:10 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • you need to explain your reasons to your fiance if you haven't already. if you have, then there's not much more you can do that i can see. your son being uneasy around them is a big clue to me, on the outside looking in, that they shouldn't be watching him. kids know when they're safe and when they're not....
    DereksBabyMomma

    Answer by DereksBabyMomma at 6:08 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • If you don't feel comfortable with them watching you child. Then don't let them. Why put your son where he doesn't want to go? Who cares f your futer in-laws and you don't get along with because of that. If they ask you why. I'd tell them. Either they act the way that your child feels safe with and you feel safe with. Spend the time to get to know him or back off about the babysitting issue all together.
    elly25

    Answer by elly25 at 6:11 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • Actually the swim lessons aren't a bad idea, regardless of what the reasoning behind the suggestion was. As for what they feed your baby and what they let him play with, if you don't approve he is your child and you have every right to tell them not to continue with it. I would at least consider where your SO is coming from, maybe take a step back and really look at it. Are they really endagering your son, or are they just a little more relaxed than you are used to? Are they letting him explore a little or is he unsupervised with the unsafe toys? Are the unhealthy foods just a taste or a whole serving? If after you look at it you are still uncomfortable with your son being with your inlaws, then go with your gut. You know what is best for your son.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 6:12 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I can definitely understand your side of things. If you are not going to enjoy yourself because you will be so worried about your son the whole time, then you are making the right decision. It's not healthy for you to put yourself in that situation, and it sounds like it may not be the best decision for your son either.

    However, I can also see the other side of things and I can see how some feelings have gotten hurt. Do you truly believe he is in danger by staying with your in-laws? If so, don't go. But if your in-laws mean well and maybe just need a little guidance, this is a good opportunity for you to work on easing separation anxiety (which you will thank yourself for later on). Ask your in-laws to watch him, but don't be afraid to show up with an armload of "Mommy approved" snacks, toddler-safe games/toys, etc. Don't leave it all up to them - not only will you feel better, but chances are they will too. GL!
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 6:13 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I am the mom of grown and almost grown children. I worried about my kids when they were little also and did not want them to go to their father's parents house because I thought they did not keep a close enough eye on them. What I have learned many years later is.....an extra coke or candy did not hurt them...it gave them memories. Staying up late at grandma and grandpa's house did not ruin their life....it gave them memories. Staying out in the sun too long and getting a little sunburn did not hurt them...it gave them all special memories with their grandparents. I am now really glad that my husband talked me into letting them go...because now that my kids are grown and almost grown....they have special memories with both sets of grandparents. They tell the funniest stories. Their grandmother was "crazy" (or so I thought) but they know it and they can laugh about it now.
    Whattodo101

    Answer by Whattodo101 at 6:30 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • maybe you can explain to them how nervous you are and tell them you don't mean to sound like a bitch and like you are telling them "how to be parents" cuz you know they've been there and done that...but you want them to know the rules with YOUR child...and let them know. They should understand. I'm sure things will go well and you could even call and check every hour and you will feel better about it the next time around. Just make sure you lay out the rules
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:15 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I'm on your side....absolutely ...my grandparents on my moms side are really rough and they just think they can shuffle babies around and i'm like you are never watching my kids. . I don't even take them around them b/c they cause so much drama. I'm even cautious about letting my grandmother on my dad's side watching them for a long period of time. She is like kids will be kids and lets them do pretty much anything. So my kids stay with me. unless daddy is off work then they stay at home with him.
    sweet_mamaof3

    Answer by sweet_mamaof3 at 6:17 PM on Sep. 10, 2010

  • I would never explain and let yourself make choices for whats best for your kid. Never ignore unsafe feelings.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:31 PM on Sep. 10, 2010