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2 Bumps

Forgiving him was easy.....How do I forgive myself?

My ex used to abuse me, to the point that I lost my daughter when I was 7 months pregnant. (She was still born). (More details are in my journal) But, even though I know I couldn't have changed who he was, and what he did, I still sometimes blame myself for losing my daughter. I've been crying a lot this evening over a lot of things...my daughter and the guilt I have for not protecting her the way I feel like I should've been able to are at the top of the list of the things I've cried over. How do I forgive myself for that, or at least get to the point where I can stop crying over it so much?

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DereksBabyMomma

Asked by DereksBabyMomma at 12:59 AM on Sep. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,528 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think you can forgive yourself by reminding yourself if you were to have your daugher - he would have rights to seeing her also ( I assume you are away from him ) and you have done your whole llfe a huge favor by this HUGe misfortune... xox xo
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:02 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • One of the best ways to start the healing process is to see a therapist. They can give you the mental/emotional tools that you need to work through your grieving process.

    If it helps any... The way I am making it through the aftermath of my abusive relationship is to write about it. (Here it is eight years later, and I'm just now finding the courage to work through my emotions on paper.) It's hard, but it's worth it.

    And seriously consider finding a good therapist to help you find ways to cope.
    PhoenixFire

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 1:06 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I have talked to a therapist once or twice, but I didn't really feel like talking to anyone then about what'd happened. It took me until about May of this year to even admit what'd happened. I'd suppressed all the memories, trying to pretend they didn't actually happen....but I realized one morning that by doing that, I was denying having my angel.

    I do try to remind myself that he'd have rights to her, and he'd probably either still be hurting me, or worse, be hurting her (or even both)...but even that doesn't keep me from crying anymore.

    I keep a journal...and I'm writing a book, but I can't even do that anymore without crying. I'm a mess.
    DereksBabyMomma

    Comment by DereksBabyMomma (original poster) at 1:15 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • God bless you I hope you find peace you like the rest of us deserve it!
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:00 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • YOU SHOULD NOt HARBOR THOSE FEELINGS. YOU LOVED AND STILL LOVE YOUR LOST BABY AND IM SURE U REALLY LOVED UR EX TOO. WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG .TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WERE A VICTIM! AND NEVER ASKED FOR THIS. YOUR BABY KNOWS YOU LOVE HER.
    Brown-Sugga

    Answer by Brown-Sugga at 2:21 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • you need to go back to the therapist so she can help you. and a big step is to learn how to forgive whoever hurt you this much. you need help or it wont settle in. you need to remember how you felt back them their was probably something that make you not leave him. weather it was you beign scare or something. you need to know that at the end point it wasnt your fault. and you need to think about it from a diferent point like you say imagine if you didnt go through this maybe you would of had your daughter but only to stay with him adn make your life horrible and yoru daughters life horrible. so maybe this was something you had to go through in order for you to be strong enough to leave him. now that you have done this step and this stff happened to yoru daughter dont let it be in vain do something that will make you stronger something that will make you not need a guy be strong for yor daughter who is watching you HUGS!!!
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 10:23 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Allow yourself to grieve. You did loose someone. keep your head up and remember that you have the rest of your life to live the best that you can and can do so in her memory.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 11:40 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

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