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So should I have him talk to her or should he be the one held accountable?

My SO has a bff that's a woman and she's very needy. She is always going thru something, a death, her ankles sprained, she just seems to have alot of bad luck. So naturally she runs to him but also she seems to push the boundaries a bit. She acts like a girlfriend accept she's not. Ex: she's not going to be working with him anymore because she took another job in the next city, but she cried over the phone as if she lot the love of her life because she won't be working with hm anymore. Ex: for there company holiday party she asked him to be her date instead of caring that would mean he wouldn't be bringing me. They went together. She used to be a lesbian and is still very big tomboy, we all secretly think she's still lesbian. Should I make him learn to set boundaries with their friendship and have hm talk to her too so she can respect boundaries. I kno all the coworkers and staff very well so I know they aren't messing around.

 
ProudMammaMia

Asked by ProudMammaMia at 2:53 AM on Sep. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,619 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • I think he needs to set boundaries and make it clear to her that YOU are his lady and any 'dates' will be with you. Like for parties he should say something like "Oh yeah Mia and I are going to that, maybe we will see you there". I think he should also make it clear to her that they can talk at work, but after work he is not available to her-- he will be spending his time with you and only you. I think he should also make certain topics 'off limits' or change the subject if she starts on on them. I hope he can set the limits/boundaries and I hope she will respect him and it all works out for you!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:25 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Yes, he definitely needs to set boundaries and spell out consequences if she oversteps them. That is just too much time and energy being drained from your relationship.
    LittleWeloosMom

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 3:18 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • have you talked to him about the way you feel? maybe he doesn't relieze how you feel
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 5:11 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • eh, i'd talk to him about it. As long as he's clearly loyal to you I wouldn't worry. He's a big boy and knows the limits, esp if he respects you.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:11 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • umm yes you reall need to make sure he put bounderies. i mean if that was my hubby adn he wereto tell me he was going to take someone else to the holiday party i would probably be so mad i would make sure he stoped talking to her lol i think you need make sure she knows that she is just a friends and you are the one with him. and well now hat she is no working with him i dotn see why she needs him anymore if she breaks a leg or watever im pretty sure she has other friends or family member your hubby doesnt need to be there all the time helping her on everything se needs
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 9:15 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Until he sets boundaries she will continue to do this to him and you, and you no man should of ever left his wife at home for a party. If she isn't going to be anywhere around him there will be no need for him to comfort her he is putting her above you and that shouldn't be accepted I wouldn't of put up with it or I would of just been going to wherever he was going she has him by his by his balls and he'splaying right along
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 9:57 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I feel like she just doesn't get that it's overstepping boundaries when she does or says certain things. But he should be the be to also tell her when it's too much. She wouldn't feel so comfortable asking or saying certain things unless he mde he feel as if it's ok, ya know. I'm not use to this type of person becaus ein their industry it's definitely a different world of people. Anyway should he talk to her about this or should I just expect him to set the boundaries nd not speak to her about it at all. I don't wan to cause drama but I've had about enogh o feeling awkward and feeling like she needs to learn he has more than just her as friend in his life.
    ProudMammaMia

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 2:59 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I have spoken to him about it here and there because I wasn't sure if I was just being too petty or was it really a big deal. I can agree that she has had the worst luck I Have ever seen someone have. In the 3 yrs that I have known her she lost her father&godmother she Was very close to, had to put down her dog which was like a child to her because of tumors. She had to hold a dying man after being stabbed and hold his stomach for pressure and kept him alive. she kept fracturing her ankles for months straight somehow and still had to work 12 hr shifts. And there's much more, so I do get that she has alot going on and I feel pretty bad for her but she runs to hm constantly and plus since they worked together he was always there for her. After a while it's like I've had enough! It's already enough that she gets to c him all day but then she asked him to go to party as a date or stuff, she doesn't think of me as his partner
    ProudMammaMia

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 11:20 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Oh hell to the no! He definitely needs to be the one to address the issue with HER. If he's not willing to set the boundaries, then you need to set some with HIM. There is something about him needing that sort of attention that is weird. Do you think he has fantasies of "turning" a lesbian?
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 12:23 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • uhh I would confront both of them to me it sounds to me like she has a crush on him but then again I have issues with sharing my dh with another female except his family .I would put a stop to it talking at work is one thing but going to a party together is another
    stef1976

    Answer by stef1976 at 3:21 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

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