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4 Bumps

Please moms I know you dont know me or DD but as much advice as possible would be very much appreciated

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/538483/Just_really_unsure_how_to_handle_all_this_Really_appreciate_your_advice?cat_id=&order=&next=11

Answer Question
 
treynlisa

Asked by treynlisa at 11:41 AM on Sep. 11, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 20 (9,618 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm not sure what you're asking. Can you be a bit more specific?
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:44 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • specify please!!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:48 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • My dd will be 7 in Oct. My ex has only been a part of her life for about the last 2 yrs and then hardly there. His mom came to pick up dd last night for visitation and told me he has pancreatic cancer. He does not want her to know. There is really not much that can be done for him at this point. My dh has been her daddy since she was around a year old, she calls my ex by his first name because she really doesn't know him. That was her choice by the way. I don't want to tell her that he is dying because I don't know if it is my place to. Although I know if I don't tell her now I will have to tell her something when he is gone.

    treynlisa

    Comment by treynlisa (original poster) at 11:55 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Tough one, I think I would talk to her now about it. Get some advice from someone who deals with Palative care, church-priest, doctor.GL
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 12:09 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I have a 7 year old daughter and I can tell you they understand about dying. At this point I would just tell her that he is very sick and he may not get well. She'll probably ask you if he's going to die, then you can tell her that it is very possible. It might be a little scary for her because she won't know how to act around someone who is dying, but reassure her that it is ok. I've never had to deal with a family member dying with my daughter, but we have lost a pet. She has had a lot of questions about dying and heaven and all of that, sometimes I just have to tell her that I do not know the answer.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 12:42 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • you & him need to tell her together, and take her to counseling if she needs it
    Ashlynnsmommy07

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 12:42 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I saw it earlier.
    My daughters are all dealing with the death of their father. You got some really good advice on that thread. (and did you know that two of the people responding are therapists, one with bereavement as her specialty?)
    good luck.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 9:34 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Thanks Casey I am talking to her therapist Monday. I am hoping he will go with her to see her therapist so they can tell her together. I have not spoken to my ex in 5 years and only seen him 3 times at court. I did not want to overstep my bounds by telling her because he had told his mom he did not even want me to know.. My dd has told me after every visit for about a year that he was sick while she was there if he was there but I assumed it was drunk and hungover sick. Which it might have been. This has just been a lot to take in.
    treynlisa

    Comment by treynlisa (original poster) at 9:53 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • i'm not sure but heres a bump for you....
    in my house honesty rules... so while it's maybe "not your place" she is your child, and you will be dealing with the aftermath... i would be honest to an extent and let her know that he is sick... maybe not HOW sick, but sick... which opens the door up for further conversation as well as it not being such a odd thing if/when something happens to him.
    asil

    Answer by asil at 6:37 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Just be honest.
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 8:41 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

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