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4 Bumps

When did you tell your adopted children they were adopted?

My adopted kids are 9 and 12. My son asked when he was 5, my daughter when she was 4. Other siblings that were adopted out have not been told yet. What do you think?

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Asked by Maureenmich at 11:45 AM on Sep. 11, 2010 in Adoption

Level 13 (978 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Y would u tell them???? What is the point???

    Answer by dancer at 11:46 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • They deserve to know dancer. I say tell them when they ask. I personally think 4 and 5 are to young to truly understand but maybe your kids are different and are smart enough to process all the adoption info.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:57 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I don't have any adopted kids but I would probably start to explain everything to them when they were about 4. Then as they got older you could get into detail about their adoption (ie; where they were adopted from, why, and things like that.)

    Answer by russianitk at 11:58 AM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • We adopted my little brother when he was 1, I was 4, and my brother and sisters were 5, 7, and 10. We and he knew from day one. we visited his foster mom regularly and all developed a good relationship with her. We all understood that his mommy was too young to take care of him, that grandma Ruth took care of him until we could find him, and now he's ours. We all understood that he had three moms who loved him and wanted the best for him, and I am grateful to the 15 year old girl and 16 year old boy who loved him for the first 9 months and were honest enough to give him up. There were no questions or gaps for him to fret over, and when my sister could not conceive, we all knew that adoption works. What are you ashamed of?

    Answer by highestshelf at 12:14 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • My dd is 2.5 and already knows. She doesn't understand it yet, but I don't want to to ever remember not knowing. Kids have the right to know their history.

    Answer by DEpley at 2:08 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • My two sisters were adopted as infants and they grew up always knowing. It is best that they grow up knowing and don't remember "being told". My adopted DD is now 14 months old and we talk openly about the fact that she is adopted. Her baby book tells the story of us meeting with the social worker and learning that she was going to be our daughter and going to meet her for the first time etc. When we finalize in court at the end of the month we will take a picture with the judge. She will grow up seeing the pictures and hearing the story.
    All of the research says it is best for kids to know as much as possible about their birth history. It is am important part of who they are. Be open and honest, as soon as possible!

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 5:51 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • We have adopted three kids through foster care that all know they were adopted. Adopted at the ages of 3,3 and 5. We kept their first names but changed middle and last names. They are now 6,6,and 8 and sometimes talk about birth moms (2 different moms) but not that often. Adoption shouldn't be a secret, the kids no matter what age they are when you adopt them may always feel that a part of them is missing and if they aren't told may never be able to put that missing piece into the puzzle.

    Answer by niehoff9 at 8:47 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • they just always's part of their life story...

    Answer by surfcitymom at 10:08 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • My bio-child (hubby adopted) has always known, we never lied to him, talked about when Daddy came to live with us. We made it clear when he was 4 because another child brought it to his attention. My adopted son (Alex), has always known, we got him at 3.5 y/o. My bio-son talks to his BF family every once in awhile. Alex doesn't get the opportunity to talk to bio-family because a sister was given up for adoption by their mother (we can get in touch with her family but, her AMom doesn't feel comfortable) and BM died.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:14 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I started talking to them about it from the time they were newborns. DS is only two, so he doesn't understand. It's hard with him, because his birth mom chooses not to see him. I want to talk to him about her and show him her picture sometimes, but not put too much emphasis on it because he doesn't have the option of knowing her right now. DD knows her maternal birth family, and we talk about them fairly frequently.

    I do think that kids should know from a very early age so that they will not find out later and be shocked. I've heard that kids need to know their whole story by the time they are 8, because they process it better.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:28 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

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