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i know this is bad but how do i get passed it?

my first husband was abusive. i can honestly say that i hate him. my daughter from him looks so much like him and i find myself kind of pushing her away. i dont realize it untill after but i feel so bad! i love my daughter and i know she didnt do anything wrong i just hate him so much that when i see so much of him in her it makes me kindof feel like hes there. i hate myself for this and cant figure out how to make it change?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Sep. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Here is something that might help you. When your thoughts turn to him and you are tempted to tell yourself how much you hate him now, remind yourself that you chose him to be the father of your child. Think back to what it was about him that you found so attractive that you wanted to have his child. When you get to what that was, every time a thought of him comes to your mind, instead of rehearsing the hatred, rehearse the love that you felt for him then and that resulted in the conception of your child. Think on every positive thing you ever saw in him and let the hatred go. If you don't do that, you not only risk messing your daughter up, you also risk all kinds of health issues that are brought on by feelings of hatred and bitterness. Hatred never hurts the person who is hated; it only hurts the person who hates.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:51 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I think you really need to see an counselor.

    Answer by Misteh at 2:47 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • You need counselling. Don't try to talk yourself out of it, your daughter deserves the time you put in with a counselor. Good Luck, I hope things improve, it's hard to deal with past abuse.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 2:47 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I agree with going to see a counselor.


    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 2:49 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Keep a journal and get the feelings out (just never let her see) and go to a counselor. This is a tough one.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 2:52 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • screw you! im seriously asking for real advice here! i already hate myself for this and i dont need you bashing bull shit!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:49 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • thank you for the ones who did not bash. sorry for that, and i will go see a counselor. i really didnt think into that.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:50 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I'm somewhat in the same boat as you. My 4 yr old daughter is from my first marriage and I absolutely hate him. He was totally fake and ended up being abusive also and didnt show his true colors til after she was born and we were married. I feel sometimes like Im short with her and not as affectionate to her as I should be and Im not sure what to do about it. I try so hard to not jump onto her when she does something wrong and love on her when she wants affection but I know it;s bc of my ex husband.

    Answer by misspriss_1987 at 2:57 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Seeing a counselor is probably the best idea but here's a bump so maybe someone can give you more advice. Good luck!

    Answer by giovannismom19 at 2:58 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Grow up!

    Answer by evelynolivesmom at 2:46 PM on Sep. 11, 2010