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Calling it quits

I've seen alot of posts on here where people say that the only reason to leave a marriage is adultery, abuse, addiction. When your partner is not willing to follow through on the commitments marriage entails - says they don't want responsibility, don't want to think ahead, don't want to be a partner, what is the point of being married... it's not a marriage at that point. Without having to argue about whether or not this amounts to financial, emotional or other abuse, isn't this enough? Marriage does not consist of one person making all the effort, so when you're no longer married in practice, shouldn't you end it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Sep. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Yes in that situation I think you should. You both have to be happy and trying to make it work. If a partner simply isn't willing its not fair to either person to stay together out of comfort or to avoid change.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 4:48 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • If there is no way to work through it then yes. Marriage never has been and never will be a perfect.. It takes work everyday... Sometimes with life stress (work, kids) its hard to keep that "fire burning"... I say never quit on marriage, so long as the spouse isnt cheating or being abusive. Things are going to get tough, but you made a vow to stick through it all...
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 5:01 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Sometimes, all it takes is one person who is willing to invest all in the marriage. So often, we tend to see all the problems as belonging to the other person. The truth is that they are usually about 50/50. The way you respond to your husband's weaknesses and the way you respond to his will be what makes or breaks the marriage. We all have weaknesses, and when we marry, part of the deal is to help each other overcome those. Too many times, the minute we see the other's weakness, we think the deal has to be off. The reality is that is the beginning of the two of you really becoming one. It takes a lifetime. My husband and I will soon have been married 46 years, and we are still helping one another overcome our weaknesses. Someone has to be willing to go first, and most of the time, that is the wife. So if I were you, I would start investing in my future with my husband and take those necessary steps.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:02 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • No one has to stick through it all !!!! No one has to stick through anything actually. If he's given up and is not willing to try anymore than why should you? Do what you need to do. Go with your gut. Vow's are not made in stone.
    Marriage is overated.
    buddahbum

    Answer by buddahbum at 5:05 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • If this attitude is a common every day occurrence, then I would say ,yes, you should end it. However, if he is just upset right now and this is how he vents then maybe you should let things settle and talk about it later. When my husband and I are fighting he usually takes on the "I don't care" attitude too but he says it just to push my buttons.
    ChicaThis

    Answer by ChicaThis at 5:26 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • you made a commitment for better or worse. If you feel ok with breaking your word, that's on you.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 7:08 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • You can make that commitment, for better or worse, but if the other person just won't work for the marriage, there just isn't anything you can do. One person alone can't make the marriage work. It takes two. Everyone knows that. You aren't breaking you word by calling it quits when you just can't do it anymore. Marriages fail, regardless of how much someone may try. To try and make some feel bad for 'breaking' their word for that, well, IMHO, you are wrong.
    You take those vows, presumably for better or worse, but at some point, enough is enough. At some point, you have to call it quits before you have nothing more to give of yourself. And, if the other person just does not want to be in the marriage, there is not a damn thing you can do to make them change their mind. So, get out. Move on to someone else that will love you. It's not like God will not forgive you. Or judge you. Geez.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:37 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

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