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So frustrated with my husband!

My husband is a stay at home dad going to school online and i work during the day. I call a couple times during the day to check on them and see what they are up to. It starts out with him doing his school work. It takes him maybe 45mins-1hr he can do it anytime and decided to wait until 2am to do it. So since he doesnt go to bed until late, they dont wake up until 1130-12. So by this time she has missed breakfast. Then she doesnt eat lunch until around 2. Then theyll play and watch cartoons but hes not teaching her anything or doing crafts or anything productive. Then i get home around 5 and they are napping. Also he doesnt clean or cook. He'll straighten up her toys but not cook, do dishes or actually clean. Ive talked to him several times about this and he argues that when i stayed at home i wasnt any better. I disagree. Im at my wits end with him and dont know what to do. I cant afford daycare since im only working.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on Sep. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Let the house be messy. If he wants to live like that then it does not bother him! I would say as long as his relationship is a good one with your child, then that is still something she can learn from.
    tryin2BGOOD

    Answer by tryin2BGOOD at 6:39 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • he neeeeds a real job mayb at night when ur already home he needs to help u out hes the man in the house u shuld b home n him workn
    sandi_361

    Answer by sandi_361 at 6:40 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • It doesn't sound that bad to me compared to what other women say about their husbands, baby daddies, SOs, whatevers. Most women cook after work. Don't clean. Tell him you aren't doing it and you expect him to do it or figure out a way for it to get done (hire someone to do it, barter with someone, get his mom to do it, ect.). Eat very simple to fix food. We usually grill and it takes 15 min to grill meat and microwave some veggies. We live in Tucson now but we even grilled out on a gas grill in the winter in Indiana. Spagetti, tacos, & chili can all be made in 30 min or less. Put stuff in a crock pot before you leave for work. Stop calling during the day and let him do it on his own. My son is a SAHD and student. He does everything including taking my grandson to doctor's appointments and shopping. Men can do it.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 6:41 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I can totally understand why this is a frustrating situation. My question for you is, does this schedule mess with the kids at all? I mean, if they are not school age, it is okay for them to be on a little different schedule for a while, right? The only reason I pose that question is because it would make it much easier on you if you let him take care of his half (the kids) and you worried about your half (work). It sounds like you're trying to take on a little bit of both, and I have been there - it is SUPER STRESSFUL. Tell you what - if you two have agreed that he's in charge of the kids/home, and you're in charge of bringing in income, then let him take care of his end without interference. He will soon realize that he has to step it up a little. Assuming this weird sleep schedule isn't affecting the kids' day to day lives, I'd say it's okay to let it go for a while. GL!
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 6:42 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • I pointed out to my (working) husband, whenever he came home from work with some classy commentary on 'what you spend your days doing' that what I was doing was keeping 2 people (and later 3) alive and happy, not the house from being mentally unstable in 20 years.

    Our house was messy, we were often napping at odd hours, and dinner was often 'well, I'm having toast, so whatever you feel like making is good with me'... and my kids grew up knowing that they were more important than my floors.

    My husband had lunch hours. He could close the door and stop dealing with whatever he wanted to stop dealing with. He could say 'don't interrupt me' for 4 hours and actually expect it to happen. I was 'on' all the time. Actually all the time. He wasn't.

    Life at home with small children is random and chaotic. And I know if my husband had called me several times a day to 'check up' on me, he'd have come home to divorce papers.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 6:48 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Most Dads are like that i think. My husband stayed home with the kids one night while I was at a meeting, and th epower went out because of a storm, he was sending me a millions texts, even though he knew I didn't even have my phone that I leave it in the car. All because he didn't know what to do with them because the couldn't watch tv!!!!!
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 7:01 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • The man may not realize that he's supposed to do semi-educational stuff with the kids, why not make some suggestions and brainstorm with him?
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:06 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • maybe ask him to cook once or twice a week and clean once or twice a week. compromise. he sounds like my husband when he stayed home with our dd and when i talked to him about it he finally realized that since he was staying home taking care of the house was part of his daily work, but he hated cooking so i did most of the cooking and he did most the cleaning.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 7:07 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • Im with you on this..men dont understand when you talk to them..You have to show him..Like say You write him a letter or get one of his friends to talk to him..? I hope I have helped you..peace & love Sherrell
    sherrell7575

    Answer by sherrell7575 at 7:34 PM on Sep. 11, 2010

  • He can clean, he probably prefers not to. The best time to clean is when they are napping. What's his excuse for not cooking? Tell him that you can't hold down a full time job and come home to clean too. He needs to spend some time with his children, playing a game, doing a puzzle, take them to the park, or something to help keep them busy. I bet they get bored too. I hope he comes to his senses and decides to help.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:09 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

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