Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

advice for a friend...

I have a friend, and yes it really is a friend it's not me...but she needs some advice. I've given her mine and I definitely feel like most women would give roughly the same, but I wanna see if there's anything new to give her. Ok heres the deal...she and her ex have a 2 1/2yr old son, she thought (when they had their son) that he was the one, now (and trust me, it is a good, more than good, thing) they aren't together. They've been broken up for about 6months. She just found out he's going on a date on Monday, and even though she knows that there is NO hope for them, and is more than fine with that, it kind of broke her heart...so now she's feeling down and sorry for herself...what advice do you have that i can possibly pass on to her...
I have a continuation to this question as well...

Answer Question
 
dlandrum

Asked by dlandrum at 1:12 AM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,406 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • sorry i have no advice but i was just wondering do you think maybe she is feeling like that because its him who is dating first, i know i have felt like that w/my exes.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 1:15 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Ok...so this same friend, has been "seeing" this guy. Conversation is good, and sex has been good to, he's a couple years younger with a daughter of his own. He's been allowing her to vent, and is actually listening to her vent about her ex. But he's now talking about what they can do one day and definitely making it seem like he wants an actual relationship, and it's scaring her. She's not in a position in her mind to be in an actual relationship with anyone right now....
    dlandrum

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 1:19 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Wow... holding onto the past, much?

    If she wants someone to date, she's looking in the wrong direction. If she's looking for someone to be there for her, she should be looking in a different direction.

    He is not prepared to make her happy, and he's clearly getting on with his life. Why isn't she doing the same --to punish him? That's like throwing acid on your own face so you look ugly to someone else.

    Living well is the best revenge. She needs to do something she thinks is important --whether that's taking care of her son, or volunteering at the children's cancer unit... then she won't be constantly comparing her life to anyone else's...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:23 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • well...i wouldn't say she's holding on the past. she knows that they're over and that it's not going to happen between them again, and she's more than fine with that and doesn't want to be back with him. it just took her by complete surprise with how much this got her down...
    dlandrum

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 1:33 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I think the best thing she can do is work toward a "new" life for herself. Really forge ahead with things she wants to do, work toward some new goals...the only way she'll be able to let go of her past relationship is to do that. I like the volunteering suggestion - frankly, anything that is distracting and gives her something to be proud of is a good step. New decorating projects, new work goals, saving for a vacation, picking up a new crafting hobby, you name it. It sounds like seeing someone else is a BAD idea for her right now. She needs time to heal and get herself in a happier place, a place where she is happy enough that seeing her ex with someone new will not make her sad. Hope that helps. :)
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 1:55 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Sounds like she needs to learn to be happy with herself. Stop giving him the power.
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 2:14 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Go on a date. I don't know I'm in the same boat but still with mine.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 4:33 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Uh, if this hurt her, when she's seeing a guy, and having sex with said guy, and venting to said guy about the ex, then she's not over the ex. She thinks she is, but she's not. She knows they won't get back together, but she's not over him. Maybe she needs to stay away from men for a while, until she can be with one and not vent about another one. If she can't spend time with this new guy without thinking about her ex, why is she with him then? Why does she need to vent so much? Why can't she just enjoy being with the new guy? Why? Because she's not over the ex, even though she knows they won't get back together. She needs to work on that.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:18 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Raine2001, I get what you're saying about her not being over if she's feeling the need to vent to this other guy about him, but I think her venting is more about how he's treating her when she makes decisions regarding their son, not so much about the relationship. i/e, she got approved for day care assistance when she got a new job (finally) but that means that her son needs to go everyday for a couple hours at least, well ex decided to pitch a fit and accuse her of just wanting to put him in day care so that she could go shopping or something. She has worked her schedule around him so that their son can see him, and she never knows until the day that he's off, that he's off so she's had to drop everything to be able to take their son to him, so now with her having a new job, she needed a reliable way of someone watching her son...there's soooo much more than that, but like i said i think it's more venting about him and son
    dlandrum

    Comment by dlandrum (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Six months? That's it? And she's seeing/sleeping/confiding with another guy? Tell your friend to slow down, rebounds almost never work. Most importantly, please please tell her that she should be focusing on one guy at this time and it should be her precious little son. Her life is not just about her anymore. The guy she eventually chooses to be her husband should also be willing to be a good dad to her son as well. Not just a guy who's going to accept him as "the price" that comes with having her for his wife. Mr. Right will show up when she's not looking for him.
    spiritedbaby

    Answer by spiritedbaby at 1:34 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN