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2 Bumps

husband kissed another woman

how do i get over the sadness that i am feeling? it happened a couple of times in feb of this year. he was deployed and we had a few issues but we were working it out, only to find out he kissed another female a few times and stayed in her room a few times as well. he apologized and has been on the straight and narrow, but for some reason everytime i think about kissing him i picture him making out with someone else and it just breaks me down and i cry everytime. i dont want to let a couple of kisses ruin this marriage, especially since he has been doing good. i dont know what to do, please help me ladies.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 AM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • He caused this situation it is part of his punishment that he be there to hear about how it hurt you, and he needs to hear it as many times as you need to say it. You feel bad for feeling bad - knock that off! HE did this to YOU....you did nothing wrong and he should be kissing your feet (or wherever you like) that you are even giving him another chance after he betrayed you this way (in whatever way you choose to believe he did).

    If you can't get past it alone then get some counselling. THey are there to help you, and he should attend as well.

    You stop feeling guilty this instant! You are sad and I don't blame you! HE MADE YOU THAT WAY! He doesn't get to just waltz on through life like everything is ok BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IT IS NOT! He will listen to you whenever you want or he is not worth the time to repair the relationship.

    Good luck hun. Men can be such cads sometimes. You are a more forgiving person than I!
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 3:16 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • more than likely if he was staying in her room a lot more then kissing went on i'd tell him to get checked for stds and if you've done sexual things with him you should get checked too.
    CEWarsop

    Answer by CEWarsop at 2:29 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • You have to decide if you can trust him or not. If you can you need to forgive and move forward as best you can. If you cannot trust him then you may need to go get some counseling so that the relationship can be worked on some more.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:30 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I get tired of the forgive and forget concept. To forgive is the easy part forgetting can sometimes be impossible. I agree, if you truly want your relationship, counseling or therapy might be the thing to do. Do it alone and together.
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 2:39 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I really wouldn't believe that there was only kissing going on, but that's just me. If you want to continue your marriage this will just be one of those things that will get easier with time.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 2:40 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Can I suggest something? I have been in a similar situation, and bringing it up with him is not the best idea for either of you. I know that's extra hard when you feel this sad and down, and he's such an important part of your life. But moving forward really is the best thing for you both. Anyway, my suggestion is - if you are able - to get some time alone, and use it to let go of your sadness. Watching some tearjerker movies is a good way to do that. Crying it out can be VERY good therapy. You can't just leave that all bottled up inside, and bringing it up with him (while he probably feels equally torn up over it) is just throwing salt on a wound. Your body is telling you that you need to get these emotions out somehow, so listen to that urge.
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 2:53 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I wish I could promise that there is an easy way to get through this time, but I can't promise that. :( If you really love him and want to work through this with him, it's going to be hard for a while. You may never forget, but you will eventually be able to forgive. I know a lot of people are very adamant about the cheating thing, and say "once a cheater always a cheater" but it IS possible to save your relationship if you both really want it. The sadness is normal, very normal. You were betrayed and it hurts terribly. He has a lot of work to do to prove to you that he is sorry and wants to move forward, but it can be done. Just know that the hurt will slip away little by little. It's terribly cliche, but time really does heal all wounds. You will get through this and emerge stronger for it. *hugs*
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 2:39 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • If he is on the up and up...set up relationship counseling at church, It is free. Then, I would demand he go with you to the Doctor to be tested and to meet this other woman. I have always found that in any relationship that the more you know the better you can deal with the hurt, the problems, and any other thing that our hearts and minds are telling us.
    You do not need a short term solution, but a long term one.
    Better to heal a sore now. than wait for it to become even more infected,
    Also, you need to talk this out with someone other than family. If he refuses to go to counseling, you go. It will be good for you.
    JOCKEYP2PMOM

    Answer by JOCKEYP2PMOM at 3:23 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Cheating of any sort is hard to get past. How has he been since all this to you? My dh had talked to another girl a couple of times and after he saw that I was genuinely heartbroken over it he felt really bad. He went out and bought all kinds of jewelry which I quickly made him return. I did not want some ridiculous reminder of what he had done I wanted him to understand that it was so much more to me. I would never mess around behind his back and I expect the same thing from him. It is perfectly ok to bring this up again to him. Or even write a letter to him. I don't think men get it. We look to them for love and security and when they give that to someone else it is horrible.If he seems to sincerely want to work through this with you then go ahead with that but if he refuses to talk about it and won't give you a chance to heal you can not do it alone. He has to share in that because it was him that messed up.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 4:04 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Kissing sleeping in her room whatever i wouldn't be standing for any of it. I don't give two shits first of all: He knows HE IS A MARRIED MAN, Second of all: SHe knows he is a married man, Third of all: sex, kissing it's all the same CHEATING...
    Your a strong women I would have had his shit packed and his shit and his ass would have been out that door so gosh darn fast he wouldn't make it off base. Onces a cheater always a cheater. By the way momma you have done nothing wrong so DON'T EVER BLAME THIS ON YOURSELF...................
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:04 AM on Sep. 12, 2010