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SAHM - When does it go from Stay -----> to Stuck?

When the kids were little it was fun and I loved my job as a Stay at home. Once I learned they had Autism and were 2-3 yrs behind in maturity and had behavioral issues, it became a struggle. Now they are older (preteens) and my hopes of going back to work full time are dashed and its not fun anymore. I feel more "stuck" at home now. I love the boys dearly but I do feel controlled by them and their Autism and Behavior issues and less freedom to do what I want in life. If that sounds bad, I'm sorry. Just how it feels. I didn't plan on being a SAHM for 18 years straight, just maybe till Middle School started at LATEST.

 
Zoeyis

Asked by Zoeyis at 7:46 AM on Sep. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • I understand where you are coming from, I have an 11 year old daughter with aspergers/autism....respite care is hard to come by and I have not worked asa nurse for close to 11 years now.....part time work is hard to find, nurse managers dont want to hear that you cant work every shift they have and need you for....I too am a SAHM...hubby has a good job with benefits. As a parent of special needs child I understand that you need to be available for your children, even while they are at school...not very many daycares will take them and my daughter rides a special bus that comes to the house and i have to be there when she gets on in the mornings and off in the afternoons ...no latchkey kids allowed.....I currently run our local autism support group, thats what keeps me busy during the week .
    You can always take some online classes and find some sort of stress reliever...I'm currently learning fencing(foil/engarde) and walking.
    michaux

    Answer by michaux at 2:32 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Yes, therapists/psychiatrists will often be able to give a referral for respite. However, due to budget cuts in many agencies, respite care can be difficult to find.
    But for the original question - you're "stuck" when you choose to allow yourself to be stuck. Until then, you're not stuck. Use creative thinking to find out what will work for you. Find a part time job during school hours. Find a job during hours when your partner is at home. Find someone to help "babysit".
    And perhaps more important .... you stated that they are whiny, immature, and overly-dependent. They may NEED you to get a job. Not that they'll want it, but it might really be a good thing, even one day a week, to begin to teach them to cope without you constantly there, to allow them to begin to develop some independence.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 9:15 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • No, it doesn't sound bad; you obviously have had a lot to deal with. BUMP.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 7:48 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Have you looked into respite care? We use respite care 1 sat a month for our DS. They play games and have a social skills class and I get 4 hours 'free'. Even though I work I still need that 'break' You know just me time.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:58 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • is there somehow your dh can rearrange his schedule, to accommodate you to get out more? even if you're just working a cash register at the local tack&feed store? (oh wait, that's the job i'm trying to get..LOL! ) i feel for you..i know you've had it rough,but you're a tough lady (i've read enough of your responses to know this.), and you're probably in a rut right now. maybe its been especially stressful with the new school year, et al.
    if i had any REAL advice for you, i'd share it. but it sounds like i'm talking to myself, too. be encouraged, OP..appreciate the small things, and remember to breath. (that's the best i've got, until my coffee kicks in.)
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:59 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • *breathe*
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:59 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • There are special programs. Talk to the school guideness counslor. Ask the kids peditrician about programs out there. Also you need to go to some type of support group and find out what is normal with autistic children. Through support groups, your boys may find some friends. Sounds like you are at the end of your rope so it can't hurt to try. Good luck!!!
    momx3gx1b

    Answer by momx3gx1b at 8:05 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • lol...i was j/k about the job...but thanks! i've seen how people treat cashiers, and i don't have the discipline to put up with verbal abuse. LOL!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:33 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Ask your kids' doctors and therapists for leads on respite care. Also Google your state and the words respite care. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:15 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Are you involved with your local autism society? I know in NC there is a program called CAP which provides a one on one worker for my son with autism for 45 hours/week when he is out of school, 25 hour/week when he is in school - paid for by the county/state. When you get CAP, you also get non income based Medicaid which covers all of his medical/dental/speech and OT therapy. I would imagine most states have similar programs.
    Also - what happens when they turn 18? Have you looked into adult programs for them? My son is 13 and I'm just starting to look, from what I've seen the prospects of him living anywhere but at home aren't promising!
    I'm assuming they are in school. Can you not get at least a part time job to get you out of the house during their school hours?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:43 AM on Sep. 12, 2010