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What to do about my parents trying to control us?

We made the mistake of moving next door to my parents but we really had no other choice. Well my mom thinks she can question us on every bit of money we have or spend. She will even go as far as to yell or get mad if we do not do things her way. We do not buy things at all anymore. This month was DH's birthday and I let him get a system. She gritted her teeth and said " I swear he better not buy ONE MORE THING!" She constantly interferes with our business and then asks why DH is acting like he can't stand her...hmm. I have tried to talk to her. It does not help. Fighting does not help. She is just controlling. That is only a small portion of what she does. Anyone got any ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:19 AM on Oct. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • i would tell her "our money is just that, our money if you cant accept that and stop trying to treat us like we are children. Then you need to stop calling us, coming over etc. We have our own home, and are doing fine, we obviously know how to handle our money and we do not need anyones input."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Time to set down some ground rules. You are in a stressful situation and you are just gonna have to tell her these are the rules and lay them out. If she starts yelling, just tell her when she calms down you will gladly discuss this later and leave. Or if she is at your house ask her to leave. How would she like it if her Mom treated her that way? I hope it gets better for you, stay strong
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:32 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Agree with the other ladies, it is your household, and so long as you are not running to her house asking to borrow money or food or whatnot, it is none of her concern how you spend your money and manage your house. You are a grown adult, and living next door to each other does not change that fact.

    Don't try to fight with her, as you already know it won't help, but any kind of response to her yelling will just fuel the fire. She simply needs to be given a reality check.

    You said that you have tried talking to her...try this; The next time it comes up, very calmly tell her:


    Continued...
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 4:45 AM on Oct. 16, 2008


  • "Mom, this is my house and these are my finances. I am sorry that you don't approve of how I do things, but this is the way it is. You need to accept that I don't live in your household anymore, and that regardless of you bickering at me about it, I am going to spend money in any way I see fit. I will no longer be speaking with you about our finances."

    And leave it at that. Whether she chooses to accept that statement or not is up to her. If she continues to try to talk to you about your money, then ignore her, literally. Pretend like she didn't even talk. And if she starts to yell, quietly ask her to leave your house until she can speak to you like you are an adult and not a child.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 4:45 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Set your boundaries, and adhere to them. When you need to whine about your SO, or money, or to share in something that excites you, do so w/ a girlfriend. When your parents question you, define your boundaries "That is our business". If they press, leave. You are grown up, and they will accept that when you stop defending yourselves. Good Luck! (I always pray before I have to have a talk w/ my controlling Mom! Really, it does help!)
    onlycathyo

    Answer by onlycathyo at 6:38 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • i would tell her to mind her own business your married and have a family of your own yea you were right bad idea to move in next to her as soon as i was able i would be moving
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:07 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door. Distance yourself. When she misses you, tell her that's what life would be like if you weren't so close and the fact that you are doesn't make it anyone's right to be invasive. Continue like this and the situation will strain your relationship with your partner and though your family will always be there, you'd like him to also so lets change some circumstances, see what happens.
    notjustamom380

    Answer by notjustamom380 at 7:49 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

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