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This boys is frustrating me!!

I have been more than patient w/ my 19 y/o son. He lost his dad in Feb., is back in school now, (college- gets good grades), but is treating his home like a hotel! Rarely does anything around the house, but is also out a lot & not the greatest lately about checking in if he's staying out past curfew or spending the nite at a friends house. I cant kick him out, & charging rent will only solve part of the problem. I want him to a contributing memeber of our home & family too. Any suggestions?


Asked by mrsmom110 at 10:47 AM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (284,633 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • yeah I would lay down some rules if he don't like it there's the door how is he going to learn some kind of responsibility if he has no idea no's good that it can come from you don't worry he will catch on and do well in life and appreciate you for it. hang in there mom. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:06 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • sit him down and talk to him. hes 19 i would assume that a 19 year old should respomd well to a conversation of what is expected as long as he is living at home.

    Answer by cassie_m at 11:06 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Put your foot down, and at the age of 19, he should contribute to the home, get his butt in at a decent hour out of respect to you, and get it together fast. My son is 15, and while he does not go out(YET) he do have rules to abide by. My son ask for jewelry and other things as if we're rich. I told him the other day when he asked for this ring at Macy's. I told him to take a look around our house and vehicles. Do WE LOOK RICH TO YOU? He just stood there confused. Kids can be a pain at times, but we love them.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 1:20 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • You can't really have a curfew for him at that age but you can say that he should have enough respect for you and your feelings to let you know if he's staying out all night and where he's going to be. Also, I tell my daughter that this is not a hotel, you keep your own room clean, do your own laundry, and continue to have chores just like the rest of the family. If she doesn't want to go along with that, then she can get her own place.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 5:24 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I learned this trick a long time ago with my adult children. You begin treating them like adults and that means how you talk to them as well. But first, I commend you for having a curfew or having him call you when he's not coming home. Its your home and you set the tone for it! adult children responded better when I talked to them as an adult as oppose to talking in an authoritative way.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:46 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Put your foot down. Start charging rent or at the very least give him some rules that are set in stone. If he will not get it together then absolutely put him out. Do not let him use you as a doormat.

    Answer by treynlisa at 11:06 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • A curfew at 19 is going to be challenged, is he doing something he wasn't doing before he turned 19? seems to me he is probably used to doing what he does or doesn't do all his life. If chores or responsibilities where not there before, why do you expect him to have them now?

    Answer by older at 2:57 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I am having almost the same issues with mine he is a somewhat a good boy he is still in school also and don't like house work nor yard work but the only thing that is differents is hes father and if I tell him what I want from him or what I want him to do his dad backs me up

    Answer by missgwen at 6:37 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You answered your own question, LOL.

    Answer by mp3mom at 1:37 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

  • Um, why does a 19 yr old in college have a curfew? Even if he's living at can't control forever. But what you can do is lay conditions down to his living in your house. You can give him a chart of his responsibilities in the house and your responsibilities. His room, his bathroom, his clothes, etc.
    But a curfew - He's an ADULT - TREAT HIM LIKE ONE. That means that you can no longer completely control his comings and goings from your house. What you can ask instead is that someone responsible know where he is, that when he does return home - he's quiet and respectful of anyone sleeping.....

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:02 PM on Sep. 12, 2010